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Band 5.5

Some people believe that the best way to improve the quality of healthcare in a country is to train and hire more doctors and nurses. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #quality #healthcare #country #train #doctors #nurses
Numerous people are of the opinion that the best route to enhance the
overall
 quality of
healthcare
 within a country would be to hire and train more nurses and
doctors
. The author strongly agrees with
this
 statement, indicating
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 success rate and flexibility as strong evidence for
this
 view. Central to
this
 issue is the success rate of medical treatment. It should be clear to all observers that an increase in the quantity and quality of the medical army would lead to a higher number of professionals in various areas.
As a result
, fostering a greater chance of success in treatments and cures, resulting in an increase in the credibility of the
healthcare
 industry. Take Cuba
for example
, the country has been employing and conducting several trainings for new employees in medical centres and a decrease in the number of patients has been observed recently. One should
also
 consider the improved flexibility once more trained staff has been employed. It should be self-acknowledged that a development in the workforce could lead to a wider range of coverage.
In other words
, various aspects of certain illnesses would be thoroughly examined by all-rounded
doctors
, giving improved and more probable results. An
improve
Replace the word
improvement
show examples
 in the
healthcare
 foundation in Japan after the renovation and innovation regarding the professionals within the area could be taken as an example where each patient is tested by a range of
doctors
 individually, and the final cure would be agreed
among
Change preposition
upon among
show examples
 all the
doctors
 bearing the responsibility. On balance, it should be clear that an enhancement in successful cases and an improved adaptability are all strengths of an enhanced workforce.
Therefore
,
this
 author strongly believes that the best route that could improve the
overall
 quality of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthcare
 would be to employ and develop
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
labour in
this
 field.
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task achievement
Your essay covers the topic well and offers a clear position on the issue. However, it could be improved by ensuring that all parts of the task are fully addressed and by providing a bit more detail in certain areas.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider variety of linking words and phrases to ensure a smoother flow between your ideas. Additionally, while your introduction and conclusion are present and clear, they could be a bit more developed.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with a logical flow of ideas. The introduction and conclusion are well-defined and present a clear stance on the issue.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your main points, which helps to illustrate your argument effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • patient-to-caregiver ratio
  • continuous professional development
  • preventative healthcare
  • health education
  • holistic care
  • integrative care
  • international healthcare organizations
  • healthcare talent retention
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • underserved areas
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