Some people say that seeing an ancient objects in a museum can give the public a unique awareness of history. Others say that modern media such as internet provide more effective way for the public to learn about history.

Being able to see and interact with ancient stuff links us with
history
more,
while
many feel that reading about it on the
internet
is better because it saves time and gives us more information. The case against using the
Internet
to learn about
history
is that does not give you any physical feeling,
furthermore
, ancient items can give us a closer look at what
history
looked like,
For example
, we wouldn't know the ancient
pyramids
Change noun form
pyramids'
pyramid's
show examples
size if we hadn't interacted with it,
Secondly
, ancient items
such
as swords, armour etc, is hard to describe so it's better to take a look at it in person.
On the other hand
, the
internet
can provide a lot more details about
history
, unlike seeing ancient objects
internet
doesn't have any limits you could read an article about an old war or ancient civilization,
moreover
, you can even see images and videos about the
history
,
this
leads to more specific details and gives us much more knowledge about
history
,
In addition
, the
internet
can be accessed easily. In conclusion,
it is clear that
both opinions have valid points,
However
, I believe that as much as the
internet
has its positives, seeing ancient objects in a physical way is more important
while
learning about
history
.
Submitted by slmansamiatti3178388 on

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task achievement
You have covered both perspectives and provided examples to support your ideas. However, the essay would benefit from more specific and detailed examples that clearly illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure there is a clear and distinct introduction that sets the tone for your essay. The introduction in the provided essay could be more robust. Similarly, the conclusion should more strongly reiterate your stance and main points.
coherence cohesion
The ideas presented are logical and follow a distinguishable structure. However, strive for smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs to enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, which is crucial for a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main argument and provides a clear stance on the topic.
task achievement
The points made are logical and relevant, providing a clear understanding of your perspective.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • tactile and visual experience
  • immersive
  • curation
  • contextual information
  • interaction
  • tangible
  • emotional experience
  • connection
  • multimedia elements
  • interactive maps
  • virtual tours
  • accessibility
  • diversity of perspectives
  • authoritative validation
  • educational programs
  • collaborative learning
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