IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Students should pay the full cost for their own study, because university education benefits individuals rather than societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In
this
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 modern era, many people hold the view that student should spend all their money on their studies because of the many benefits of university education. The writer of
this
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 essay has another idea for paying attention to social skills and
this
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 essay will discuss that. First of all, spending all the money on the fees at university is unnecessary for
learner
Add an article
the learner
show examples
 as they have to pay for their living.
In other words
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, they should have afforded to study appliances are in a suitable situation. In some cases,
students
Use synonyms
 must pay another fee
that is
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 not
potential
Correct word choice
suitable
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 for them and they have to follow their headers.
For instance
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, it can be seen that
students
Use synonyms
 prefer to do part-time
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 to afford for their own study.
This
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make
Change the verb form
makes
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 them have a tiring day after school and it is difficult to gain knowledge in lectures. Moving onto the social skills
students
Use synonyms
 take when they do not pay the full cost for study, it
take
Change the verb form
takes
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 more advantages than casual.
Instead
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 of spending full time and money,
students
Use synonyms
 can gain experience from another task.
This
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help
Change the verb form
helps
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 their quality of life much more comfortable and get high
grade
Fix the agreement mistake
grades
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 in education. Take a famous international university as a great example, RMIT has given more chances for
lecture
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lecturers
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 to go abroad before graduating to approach innovation all over the world.
To sum up
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,
pending
Correct your spelling
spending
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 full expense on studying at school does not have specific effects on the way
students
Use synonyms
 go to school. They should gain knowledge from real society to have more experience in the future.

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task achievement
The introduction presents the topic but lacks a clear thesis statement. Ensure to clearly state your standpoint and what the essay will cover in the introduction.
task achievement
Main points are present but underdeveloped. Provide more detailed arguments and specific examples to strengthen your points.
task achievement
The conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points discussed. Try to make it more impactful by reinforcing your stance clearly.
coherence cohesion
Develop paragraphs with clear topic sentences, supporting details, and examples. This will improve the logical flow of your arguments.
task achievement
The essay touches on relevant aspects of the topic, such as financial burdens and social skills gained outside of full-time study.
coherence cohesion
The essay has an organized structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The candidate attempts to provide examples to support their arguments, such as the reference to RMIT University.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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