IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measures do you think might be effective?

#price #petrol #traffic #pollution #measures
Nowadays, the
number
 of vehicles
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 sharply increasing compared to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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several years ago. In terms
to solve
Change preposition
of solving
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this
 problem, there is
option
Add an article
an option
the option
show examples
 to
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 the gasoline prices
where
Correct word choice
which
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is expected to decrease the
number
 of
vehicle
Change to a plural noun
vehicles
show examples
thus
 decreasing the air
pollutions
Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
show examples
. In my opinion,
this
 option could be effective if the public transport provided supports
this
moves
Fix the agreement mistake
move
show examples
. Here are my explanations. There are some statistics
shown
Change the form of the verb
showing
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 the uplift of
vehicles
Fix the agreement mistake
vehicle numbers
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number
 contributes to the increasing pollution problems. We can see
this
 thing when we're visiting
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 big city,
for
instance
Add the comma(s)
instance,
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Jakarta
 city. It can be said that the
number
 of cars in
Jakarta
 is too much when
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the long
nation
Replace the word
national
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 holiday, we can often see the
Jakarta
vechicles
Correct your spelling
vehicles
vehicle
 code in the other
city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
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in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Java Island rather than the local
vehicles
Fix the agreement mistake
vehicle
show examples
 code.
Due to the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 amount of cars in
Jakarta
,
then
 it usually makes the skies in
Jakarta
 turn
into
Change preposition
apply
show examples
grey caused by the amount of air
pollutions
Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
show examples
 produced in
Jakarta
.
Submitted by rlsatria on

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introduction
Your introduction presents the subject clearly, but it can be improved by rephrasing for grammatical accuracy and clarity. Additionally, mentioning that you will discuss other measures could make your thesis more comprehensive.
support
You need to provide a clearer explanation of how rising gasoline prices will reduce the number of vehicles and why this would decrease pollution. This will strengthen your argument. Furthermore, link your example of Jakarta more explicitly to the argument you are making.
conclusion
Your essay lacks a conclusion, which is essential to summarize your main points. Make sure to include one to leave a lasting impression and round off your arguments.
logical structure
To improve coherence, try to connect your ideas more logically. Use linking words or phrases to show how one idea leads to another.
task expansion
Consider discussing other measures to solve traffic and pollution problems, such as improving public transport, encouraging carpooling, or promoting electric vehicles. This will make your response more rounded and complete.
clarity
You have identified a clear issue and a potential solution related to increasing petrol prices and its effects on vehicle numbers and pollution.
specificity
The example of the Jakarta city adds specificity to your argument, making your points more concrete and relatable.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Discourage
  • Incentivize
  • Alternative energy
  • Public transportation
  • Lower-income
  • Carpool
  • Ride-sharing
  • Congestion
  • Urban planning
  • Pedestrian-friendly
  • Tax incentives
  • Electric and hybrid vehicles
  • Emissions standards
  • Cleaner vehicles
  • Congestion charges
  • Bicycle lanes
  • Sustainable
What to do next:
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