The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Some people consider that science is a tool that should force on qualities of individuals'
life
. I completely agree Fix the agreement mistake
lives
that
.
First of all, ensuring a prison lives in Change preposition
with that
healthy
way is the Change the article
a healthy
majoy
Correct your spelling
major
goals
of Fix the agreement mistake
goal
societies
. It benefits the society of Fix the agreement mistake
society
economical
improvement. Nowadays, uncountable people suffer from serious Replace the word
economic
deases
annul years in the world because of the unadvanced technology of science. Correct your spelling
diseases
Billion
lives die Change the article
A billion
due to
Change preposition
because of
cannot
Verb problem
not
be
cruel and it leads to the amount of Wrong verb form
being
labors
decrease in Fix the agreement mistake
labor
employments
. From the perspective of commercial organizations, it is a disadvantage that the profile turns to reduction Fix the agreement mistake
employment
as well as
that of polite
authorities.
Correct your spelling
police
Secondly
, working with effective machine
is the basis of developed countries. Fix the agreement mistake
machines
For instance
, America
, the strongest status Change preposition
in America
of
the world, one farmer can harvest 10t crops Change preposition
in
everyday
Correct your spelling
every day
while
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
of
Thailand only 100kg. Change preposition
in
Therefore
, employers with poor facilities should do
triple Verb problem
make
effort
as those in good conditions, which is Correct article usage
the effort
the
waste of Correct article usage
a
humanities'
energy, so laboratories should focus on Change noun form
humanity's
the
technology in workplaces.
On the opposite, if professional people only aim at the academic area, they will lose their Correct article usage
apply
job
no longer, because the Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
mass
are working without enthusiasm Fix the agreement mistake
masses
due to
poor condition
and salaries, and the income of governments will fall dramatically. No one would like to support their scientific Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
exploring
. Replace the word
exploration
As a result
, they will be fired in the future.
In conclusion, scientists should serve to
individuals' lives in order to save their job positions and keep the governments Change preposition
apply
to operate
well.Change the verb form
operating
Submitted by dayowong095 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Firstly, the thesis statement in the introduction is unclear and lacks depth. A complete response should clearly state whether you agree or disagree and briefly outline your main reasons.
task achievement
Numerous grammatical and spelling errors (e.g., 'prison' instead of 'person', 'labors' instead of 'labor', 'deases' instead of 'diseases', 'cruel' instead of 'cure') make it difficult to follow some of the points, reducing clarity.
task achievement
Expand on the main points with more detailed explanations. For instance, the point about America and Thailand could be explained further regarding the implications on productivity and quality of life.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a logical structure in parts, making it difficult to follow the argument. Organize paragraphs in a more coherent way, ensuring that each paragraph contains a single clear idea supported by evidence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction is too brief and does not sufficiently introduce the topic or outline the main points. Ensure the introduction sets the stage well for the argument to come.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion, while present, needs to be more strongly tied to the arguments presented in the essay. Summarize the main points clearly and restate your position with stronger emphasis.
task achievement
The essay attempts to cover multiple aspects of how science impacts people’s lives, which shows an understanding of the topic's breadth.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.