IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The most important of science should be to improve people's lives. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?.

#science #people #lives
Some people consider that science is a tool that should force on qualities of individuals'
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. I completely
agree
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agree on
agree to
agree with
show examples
this
 statement. Here are my reasons. First of all, ensuring a prison lives in
healthy
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a healthy
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 way is the
majoy
Correct your spelling
major
goals
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goal
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 of
societies
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society
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. It benefits the society of
economical
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economic
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 improvement. Nowadays, uncountable people suffer from serious
deases
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diseases
 annul years in the world because of the unadvanced technology of science.
Billion
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A billion
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 lives die
due to
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because of
show examples
cannot
Verb problem
not
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be
Wrong verb form
being
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 cruel and it leads to the amount of
labors
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labor
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 decrease in
employments
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employment
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. From the perspective of commercial organizations, it is a disadvantage that the profile turns to reduction
as well as
 that of
polite
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police
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 authorities. +
Secondly
, working with effective
machine
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machines
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 is the basis of developed countries.
For instance
,
America
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in America
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, the strongest status
of
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in
show examples
 the world, one farmer can harvest 10t crops
everyday
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every day
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while
that
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apply
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of
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in
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 Thailand only 100kg.
Therefore
, employers with poor facilities should do triple
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the effort
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effort
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the effort
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 as those in good conditions, which is
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a
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the
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a
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 waste of
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humanity's
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humanities'
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humanity's
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 energy, so laboratories should focus on
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apply
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the
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apply
show examples
technology in workplaces. • On the opposite, if professional people only aim at the academic area, they will lose their
job
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jobs
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 no longer, because the
mass
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masses
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 are working without enthusiasm
due to
 poor
condition
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conditions
show examples
 and salaries, and the income of governments will fall dramatically. No one would like to support their scientific
exploring
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exploration
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.
As a result
, they will be fired in the future. In conclusion, scientists should serve
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individuals' lives in order to save their job positions and keep the governments
to operate
Change the verb form
operating
show examples
 well.
Submitted by dayowong095 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on the logical structure of the essay. Ensure that each paragraph flows naturally to the next, and check for clear topic sentences. This will improve the coherence and cohesion of your work.
task achievement
Expand on your main points with more relevant and specific examples. This makes your arguments more compelling and demonstrates a thorough understanding of the topic.
general
Revise to correct grammatical errors and improve sentence structures. This will enhance the clarity and readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps structure your essay effectively.
task achievement
You have provided logical reasons to support your statements, which shows a good understanding of essay structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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