IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The most important of science should be to improve people's lives. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?.

#science #people #lives
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Some people consider that science is a tool that should force on qualities of individuals'
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. I completely
agree
Add the preposition
agree on
agree to
agree with
show examples
this
Linking Words
 statement. Here are my reasons. First of all, ensuring a prison lives in
healthy
Change the article
a healthy
show examples
 way is the
majoy
Correct your spelling
major
goals
Fix the agreement mistake
goal
show examples
 of
societies
Fix the agreement mistake
society
show examples
. It benefits the society of
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 improvement. Nowadays, uncountable people suffer from serious
deases
Correct your spelling
diseases
 annul years in the world because of the unadvanced technology of science.
Billion
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A billion
show examples
 lives die
Linking Words
due to
Change preposition
because of
show examples
cannot
Verb problem
not
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be
Wrong verb form
being
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 cruel and it leads to the amount of
labors
Fix the agreement mistake
labor
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 decrease in
employments
Fix the agreement mistake
employment
show examples
. From the perspective of commercial organizations, it is a disadvantage that the profile turns to reduction
as well as
Linking Words
 that of
polite
Correct your spelling
police
show examples
 authorities. +
Secondly
Linking Words
, working with effective
machine
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machines
show examples
 is the basis of developed countries.
For instance
Linking Words
,
America
Change preposition
in America
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, the strongest status
of
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in
show examples
 the world, one farmer can harvest 10t crops
everyday
Correct your spelling
every day
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while
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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of
Change preposition
in
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 Thailand only 100kg.
Therefore
Linking Words
, employers with poor facilities should do triple
Correct article usage
the effort
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effort
Correct article usage
the effort
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 as those in good conditions, which is
Correct article usage
a
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 waste of
Change noun form
humanity's
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humanities'
Change noun form
humanity's
show examples
 energy, so laboratories should focus on
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology in workplaces. • On the opposite, if professional people only aim at the academic area, they will lose their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 no longer, because the
mass
Fix the agreement mistake
masses
show examples
 are working without enthusiasm
due to
Linking Words
 poor
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 and salaries, and the income of governments will fall dramatically. No one would like to support their scientific
exploring
Replace the word
exploration
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.
As a result
Linking Words
, they will be fired in the future. In conclusion, scientists should serve
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individuals' lives in order to save their job positions and keep the governments
to operate
Change the verb form
operating
show examples
 well.
Submitted by dayowong095 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on the logical structure of the essay. Ensure that each paragraph flows naturally to the next, and check for clear topic sentences. This will improve the coherence and cohesion of your work.
task achievement
Expand on your main points with more relevant and specific examples. This makes your arguments more compelling and demonstrates a thorough understanding of the topic.
general
Revise to correct grammatical errors and improve sentence structures. This will enhance the clarity and readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps structure your essay effectively.
task achievement
You have provided logical reasons to support your statements, which shows a good understanding of essay structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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