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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today there is a great increase in antisocial personal behaviour such as committing a crime. What are the causes of this? Who should be responsible for this problem?

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In
this
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 contemporary epoch, the
rate
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 of
crime
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 is increasing rapidly and
due to
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this
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 sustainable development is facing
an
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apply
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extreme danger.
This
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 essay will delve into the various reasons for
such
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 proliferation
along with
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 explaining
about
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apply
show examples
the bodies behind
this
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 scenario.
To begin
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 with, the primary reason against the increasing
crime
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rate
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 is inflation in most of the nations around the world.
Due to
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 the increase in the price of basic commodities, they drifted away from the reach of common
people
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 and to afford the basic necessities of their family they
come
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came
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 up as criminals in
society
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 to get money.
Moreover
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, the
rate
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 of employment opportunities is not enhanced equally to the
rate
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 of population.
As
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A
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 maximum number of bodies lack jobs,
although
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 they inherit higher levels of education.
Hence
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, as
Correct article usage
a result
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result
Add a comma
result,
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 they get frustrated and educated individuals
also
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 start committing crimes
such
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 as hacking,
installing
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and installing
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 malware to steal banking information to earn money.
Therefore
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, higher prices of items
along with
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 lack of work chances are the prominent causes behind increasing
crime
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 rates.
However
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, there is no one to blame directly for these situations around the globe but government officials can be held liable for these circumstances. The welfare of
society
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 members is completely ignored by the corrupt executives
like
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apply
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, they are immensely busy stealing money
that
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and
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 they do not care about the increasing population, inflation, and low employment rates. They just care about their personal benefits. Rulers are chosen by common
people
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;
thus
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 it is their mutual responsibility to choose the correct leaders that would help in the development of
nation
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the nation
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along with
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 dealing with the troubles of their country. So, common
people
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 are
also
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 indirectly responsible
to boost
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for boosting
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Use synonyms
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
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 ratio
due to
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 their ignorance.
To conclude
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, as per the matrimonial mentioned above antisocial
behavior
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behaviour
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 of humans is affecting
society
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 negatively. Inflation and low job rates are the root cause of
this
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 issue which is generated in
society
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due to
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 negligence of government
as well as
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 common
people
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 prevailing in
society
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.

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task achievement
Be more specific with examples to better illustrate your points. For instance, mention specific instances or types of crimes committed due to unemployment or inflation.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow between paragraphs. Some transitions feel abrupt, affecting overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
Rephrase certain parts for better clarity. For example, 'Higher prices of items along with lack of work chances are the prominent causes behind increasing crime rates' can be smoother.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a nice structure to the overall content.
task achievement
You have addressed both parts of the task by discussing the causes and proposing who should be responsible.
task achievement
The main ideas are generally clear and comprehensive.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • antisocial behavior
  • delinquent peer groups
  • dysfunctional family dynamics
  • economic inequality
  • substance abuse
  • mental health issues
  • desensitize
  • normalize
  • domestic violence
  • neglect
  • abuse
  • survival
  • inadequate education
  • job opportunities
  • poor decision-making skills
  • violent content
  • criminal activities
What to do next:
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