Some people believe that children of all ages should have extra responsibilities. Others believe that, outside of school, children should be free to enjoy life. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #ages #responsibilities #school #life

Many support the idea that

children

should have

further

liabilities after school lessons which help them to be more responsible and independent from a young age.

However

, some argue that

childhood

is a period that

children

should enjoy.

This

essay will talk about both cases with proper examples. With the revolution of technology the skills that people should have, doubled,

consequently

parents carrying their child's

future

life

want to teach them as many as more skills in order to be more stable and strong. The majority of parents encourage youngsters to attend extra lessons after school or help older

Correct pronoun usage

ones do

show examples

housework.

While

helping,

children

might make some mistakes that can be their first

life

experience or a

life

lesson that can protect them

such

Change preposition

from such

show examples

kind of silly mistakes in the

future

In addition

, trying to access something by themselves leads them to become independent and

also

make decisions faster. There is no doubt that

to step

Verb problem

stepping into

show examples

adult

life

could be quite challenging.

Consequently

, an all-rounded person could be awarded in

future

life

That is

why parents want to teach their

children

from a young age.

However

, by chasing for perfect

future

people can lose their

childhood

Childhood

is one of the most vital periods of human

life

. All

childhood

traumas and memories affect a person's

future

mental health and lifestyle.

Therefore

, in

this

period

children

should enjoy their

childhood

and should make good colourful memories.

In addition

, most of the successful people mentioned that having a good

childhood

also

influences to person's

future

career. In conclusion, stimulating youngsters to do extra work outside of school time can provide them bright

future

Nonetheless

, forcing them to do excessive tasks can take their cheerful

childhood

Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on Tue Jun 11 2024

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task achievement

Your essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the task, effectively discussing both views. However, try to incorporate more specific examples to support your points further.

coherence cohesion

Maintain a clear structure throughout the essay by ensuring that each paragraph has a central idea and flows logically to the next. Use transition words to improve the cohesion between sentences and paragraphs.

language

Your essay contains minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Review your sentences for accuracy and clarity.

coherence cohesion

You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your essay.

task achievement

You have provided a balanced discussion of both views, showing an understanding of the task requirements.

task achievement

The points you've made are relevant and well thought out.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

283 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that children of all ages should have extra responsibilities. Others believe that, outside of school, children should be free to enjoy life. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

At present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

There is too much noise in many public places in cities. What are the causes of this problem? What can be done to solve the problem?

In the future, nobody will buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Levels of youth crime are increasing rapidly in most cities around the world. What are the reasons for this, and suggest some solutions.