The pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and ,are comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and ,are comparisons where relevant.
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The pie illustrates the percentage of online shopping sales for travel,film/music,books, and clothes in New Zealand between 2003 and 2013. The highest figure for amount 4 online sales for
retail
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the retail
show examples
sector is travel.We can clearly see that travel accounted the 36 per cent of these four parts in 2003 and slightly dropped to 29% in 2013. The noticeable figures for film/music dramatically increased from 21% to 33%,which means that in 2003
people
spent less than 1/4
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
film/music,
while
over the 10 years later,
people
spent around 1/3 to
purchased
Wrong verb form
purchase
show examples
it. Talking about books sold online in the 10-year period was an upward trend.The figure for books
increasedby
Correct your spelling
increased by
increased
3percentage of these four sections(19% to 22 %).
However
,in New Zealand
people
who bought clothes on the Internet decreased from 24% to 16%. The pie charts show the change in
people
's online shopping percentages for these 4 items was totally different in 2003 and 2013.
Submitted by diana1992lin on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Market share
  • Distribution
  • Retail sector
  • Consumer preferences
  • Growth/decline
  • Trend
  • Technological advancements
  • e-commerce
  • Comparison
  • Percentage
  • Online shopping sales
  • Sectoral shifts
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