IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people think that one should plan detailed activities for their leisure time, while others disagree with this view. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #plan #activities #leisure #time
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some people claim that they should have a
plan
 for their
leisure
time
 ,
while
 others disagree with
this
 issue. I will discuss both views
as well as
 my idea. first of all , I for one , prefer to have a
plan
 for my free
time
.
furthermore
 , the majority of people like to
plan
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their activities in their
leisure
time
. they have many
resion
Correct your spelling
reasons
 for
this
 idea ,
such
 as preparing facilities ,
reserve
Wrong verb form
reserving
show examples
 the hotel and
tell to
Wrong verb form
telling
show examples
 their friends to go with them. I believe that when we have a
plan
 , we will use our free
time
as well as
 possible.
on the other hand
 , some people think that
planing
Correct your spelling
planning
show examples
 for
leisure
time
 is not essential . since they like to go
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
holidays
Fix the agreement mistake
holiday
show examples
 without any
planing
Correct your spelling
planning
show examples
. to illustrate they always provide necessary
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
 and go through the nurture.
Hence
 ,
planing
Correct your spelling
planning
show examples
 is not crucial and it is
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
 of
time
.
moreover
 , it may their idea would get
change
Add an article
a change
show examples
 on the road. So , it is better that they decide at the moment.
To sum up
 , there are many different ideas for planning activities in
leisure
time
.
for example
 , better planning or vanish the
time
 and as I said , I agree to have an
exceptionaly
Correct your spelling
exceptionally
 good
plan
 for our free
time
.
Submitted by rastaebrahimifar on

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task achievement
To improve task response, ensure you fully address all parts of the task. Try to provide more balanced arguments and elaborate on the points with specific details or examples.
coherence cohesion
Enhance coherence by using a wider range of linking words and cohesive devices. This will help in connecting ideas more smoothly and logically.
coherence cohesion
Check for grammar and spelling errors. Improving accuracy will lead to clearer expression and better coherence.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and you've addressed both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
Your ideas are relevant to the topic and you have made an effort to support them.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • leisure time
  • detailed activities
  • making the most
  • variety of experiences
  • waste of time
  • over-scheduling
  • spontaneity
  • relaxation
  • increase stress
  • balanced approach
  • impromptu decisions
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