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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagram gives information about the process of making carbonated drinks. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram gives information about the process of making carbonated drinks. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #process #drinks #summarise #features #comparisons
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The flowchart illustrates the process of making carbonated drinks from the very beginning.
Overall
, there are 5 stages from raw
water
 until it is ready to distribute to the supermarket. The first stage starts with purifying the
water
. It involves 3 steps, where the raw
water
 will be processed into the filtering
machine
, softening
machine
, and mixing
machine
 respectively.
After
this
 process, the
water
 will be
pumping
Change the form of the verb
pumped
show examples
 into the electric heaters. In
this
machine
, the
water
 will be evaporated,
then
 it will transfer with the cooling pipe into
a
Remove the article
apply
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storage where it will be mixed with the carbon dioxide.
Furthermore
, the carbonated
water
 will be
transfered
Correct your spelling
transferred
 again to a tank where it will be combined with other chemicals,
such
 as colouring chemicals, syrups, and flavour chemicals.
Moreover
, the mixed carbonated
water
 will be filtered again, and after
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 it will be poured into the bottles and cans. And
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lastly
, the bottles and cans will be packaged and
transfered
Correct your spelling
transferred
 to the supermarkets.
Submitted by rlsatria on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, machine with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 1 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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