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Band 5

Many people these days change career throughout their working life. What are the main reasons for it? Is it a positive or negative development for them personally and for the society as a whole?

#people #change #career #life #development #society
Nowadays, the changing
career
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 increasing in these days.
This
career
 shifting usually
happen
Correct subject-verb agreement
happens
show examples
 in the private sector, as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result of the increasing
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
. In my opinion, the reason driven
this
 thing is
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
personal satisfaction and chasing the
carrer
Correct your spelling
career
 opportunity. First of all,
it is clear that
 everyone should work to support their need in life.
However
, since working is a lifetime activity, so there are some
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
changing
Wrong verb form
change
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 their jobs to the field where they can enjoy the
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
.
Moreover
, there are some
people
 choosing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jobs where they can have enough time for their personal needs.
This
 type of
people
 is the workers that choose personal
satisfiction
Correct your spelling
satisfaction
 when
decided
Wrong verb form
deciding
show examples
 their
career
. The other reason why
people
changing
Wrong verb form
change
show examples
 their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 is about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
career
 opportunities.
Also
, it should be known
that is
career
position
 is
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
 the pyramid, where is higher
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
position
 implicates to the less
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
 available. Because of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 things, some
people
 sometimes change their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 to get
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 higher
position
 from their
last
 jobs.
In addition
, the wages that
people
 get
usually
Add a missing verb
are usually
show examples
 linear with their
chair
Fix the agreement mistake
chairs
show examples
.
This
 is
type
Add an article
a type
the type
show examples
 of
workers
Fix the agreement mistake
worker
show examples
 who
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 changed their
career
 to improve their
position
 and to upgrade their salary. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
changing
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 these days is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 normal thing. The main reason is mostly about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
personal things,
such
 as personal satisfaction or even
career
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
. And I believe that everyone has their right when they're changing their
career
 as long
not
Correct word choice
as not
show examples
 causing problems.
Submitted by rlsatria on

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task response
To achieve a higher band score, aim to include more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will help to illustrate your arguments more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Work on varying your vocabulary and reduce repetition to enhance the readability and flow of your essay. This will help to improve coherence and cohesion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument.
task response
You have identified the main reasons for career changes effectively, such as personal satisfaction and career opportunities.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Career transition
  • Job satisfaction
  • Financial incentives
  • Technological advancements
  • Skills obsolescence
  • Job stability
  • Personal fulfillment
  • Work-life balance
  • Career flexibility
  • Life-long learning
  • Social perceptions
  • Economic factors
  • Skill acquisition
  • Professional development
  • Societal trends
What to do next:
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