IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Others prefer to livewith their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you prefer? Use reasons and examples to support your answer

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Growing a child is
difficult
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a difficult
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 task, that comes with certain responsibilities. Some children
stays
Change the verb form
stay
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 under the protection of their family and
wishes
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wish
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 to stay
their
Replace the word
there
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 for
longer
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a longer
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 time,
while
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 other leaves their
parents
Use synonyms
 as soon as possible.
Although
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 living with their
parents
Use synonyms
 has its own perks.
However
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, I believe I would prefer to live independently as soon as possible.
This
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 essay will discuss both
situation's
Correct article usage
the situation's
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 merits and demerits using suitable reasoning and examples. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand,
youngters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
believes
Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
show examples
 leaving
Use synonyms
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
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 as soon as possible allows them to live independently,
this
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 way a
youngster
Use synonyms
 becomes a risk taker and makes an individual emotionally & mentally strong. In
this
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 path the young adult takes risks and
try
Correct subject-verb agreement
tries
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 hit
and trial
Correct your spelling
hit-and-trial
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 method, exploring different
thing
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things
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 to get
a
Correct article usage
an
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 understanding,
in
Change preposition
of
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 which field or occupation, he needs to pursue. Growing up with hit and trial gives you
Correct article usage
the oppotunity
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oppotunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 to try different
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
 and fail.
This
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 path ultimately allows the
youngster
Use synonyms
 to work for something, that makes him passionate.
However
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, it has some
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
 as well following
independent
Correct article usage
an independent
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 pathway. The young adult has to manage his own, meaning his financials, health and fitness,
while
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 exploring his
passion
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.
This
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 stressful situation leads
youngsters
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
to
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 a problematic stuck situation with a low income and low health environment ending up
becomes
Wrong verb form
becoming
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 a major reason
of
Change preposition
for
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 divorce and addiction.
However
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, in other situations,
youngsters
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figures
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figure
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 out their
passion
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, they
tends
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tend
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 to create a happy family and live a wealthy life.
In addition
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, several financial
magazine
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magazines
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 indicates over 80% of the wealthiest people were living independently. On the
hand
Correct word choice
other hand
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,
youngsters
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 who
stays
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stay
show examples
 longer with
Use synonyms
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
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 not have to manage their
financial
Replace the word
finances
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 and live
a
Correct article usage
apply
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riskless
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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, allowing their teen to explore their
opition
Correct your spelling
options
 freely and achieve their
dream
Fix the agreement mistake
dreams
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 freely.
This
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 pathway often leads the
youngster
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 to
better
Correct article usage
a better
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 financial position
,
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apply
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 but fails to provide
the
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apply
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job
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 satisfaction or emotional stability, ending them
leading
Verb problem
apply
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towards depression.
For instance
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, many surveys from
india
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India
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 concluded teenagers who
lives
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live
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 with their
parents
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 for over two decades,
fails
Correct subject-verb agreement
fail
show examples
 to find their
passion
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 and
follows
Correct subject-verb agreement
follow
show examples
a
Change the article
an
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 unsatisfactory
job
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,
this
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 survey
further
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 concluded
due to
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this
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 unsatisfaction and stressful environment at
Use synonyms
job
Correct pronoun usage
their job
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 leads
indrectly
Correct your spelling
indirectly
directly
 to domestic violence and addictions. In summary, both perspectives
allows
Change the verb form
allow
show examples
Use synonyms
youngster
Add an article
a youngster
the youngster
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 to explore their
passion
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. where one provides
understanding
Add an article
an understanding
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 of society
while
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 exploring the
passion
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 with
Correct article usage
a stong
show examples
stong
Correct your spelling
strong
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 mentality other provides
safe
Add an article
a safe
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 and secure environment to
figue
Correct your spelling
figure
 out their
passion
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.
However
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,
youngsters
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needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 to understand the importance of experience and
job
Use synonyms
 satisfaction in life.

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task achievement
While the essay does address both perspectives, it lacks depth in some areas. Offering more detailed examples and elaborating on points would strengthen the argument. For example, providing a specific anecdote or more statistics would add credibility and interest.
task achievement
The essay would benefit from clearer and more varied vocabulary. Some sentences are repetitive or unclear (e.g., 'try hit and trial method'). Working on sentence structure and word choice can enhance clarity and engagement.
coherence cohesion
Improve the transitions between paragraphs and ideas to enhance the logical flow. Some parts of the essay feel disjointed, and smoother transitions would help the reader follow the argument more easily.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction effectively sets up the essay's topic and states the writer's preference clearly. This establishes a strong direction for the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion summarizes the main points well and reiterates the importance of understanding and job satisfaction, leaving the reader with a clear sense of closure.
logical structure
The essay acknowledges multiple perspectives and their implications, showing a good understanding of the complexities involved in the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • autonomy
  • interdependence
  • financial burdens
  • emotional preparedness
  • proximity
  • individualism
  • family bonds
  • life skills
  • self-reliance
  • safety net
  • privacy
  • family support
  • cultural values
  • social network
  • diverse experiences
What to do next:
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