Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Others prefer to livewith their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you prefer? Use reasons and examples to support your answer
Growing a child is
difficult
task, that comes with certain responsibilities. Some children Add an article
a difficult
stays
under the protection of their family and Change the verb form
stay
wishes
to stay Change the verb form
wish
their
for Replace the word
there
longer
time, Add an article
a longer
while
other leaves their parents
as soon as possible. Although
living with their parents
has its own perks. However
, I believe I would prefer to live independently as soon as possible. This
essay will discuss both situation's
merits and demerits using suitable reasoning and examples.
On Correct article usage
the situation's
one
hand, Correct article usage
the one
youngters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
believes
leaving Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
parents
as soon as possible allows them to live independently, Correct pronoun usage
their parents
this
way a youngster
becomes a risk taker and makes an individual emotionally & mentally strong. In this
path the young adult takes risks and try
hit Correct subject-verb agreement
tries
and trial
method, exploring different Correct your spelling
hit-and-trial
thing
to get Fix the agreement mistake
things
a
understanding, Correct article usage
an
in
which field or occupation, he needs to pursue. Growing up with hit and trial gives you Change preposition
of
Correct article usage
the oppotunity
oppotunity
to try different Correct your spelling
opportunity
thing
and fail. Fix the agreement mistake
things
This
path ultimately allows the youngster
to work for something, that makes him passionate. However
, it has some drawback
as well following Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
independent
pathway. The young adult has to manage his own, meaning his financials, health and fitness, Correct article usage
an independent
while
exploring his passion
. This
stressful situation leads youngsters
in
a problematic stuck situation with a low income and low health environment ending up Change preposition
to
becomes
a major reason Wrong verb form
becoming
of
divorce and addiction. Change preposition
for
However
, in other situations, youngsters
figures
out their Change the verb form
figure
passion
, they tends
to create a happy family and live a wealthy life. Change the verb form
tend
In addition
, several financial magazine
indicates over 80% of the wealthiest people were living independently.
On the Change to a plural noun
magazines
hand
, Correct word choice
other hand
youngsters
who stays
longer with Change the verb form
stay
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
does
not have to manage their Correct subject-verb agreement
do
financial
and live Replace the word
finances
a
riskless Correct article usage
apply
life
, allowing their teen to explore their Fix the agreement mistake
lives
opition
freely and achieve their Correct your spelling
options
dream
freely. Fix the agreement mistake
dreams
This
pathway often leads the youngster
to better
financial positionCorrect article usage
a better
,
but fails to provide Remove the comma
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
job
satisfaction or emotional stability, ending them leading
towards depression. Verb problem
apply
For instance
, many surveys from india
concluded teenagers who Change the capitalization
India
lives
with their Change the verb form
live
parents
for over two decades, fails
to find their Correct subject-verb agreement
fail
passion
and follows
Correct subject-verb agreement
follow
a
unsatisfactory Change the article
an
job
, this
survey further
concluded due to
this
unsatisfaction and stressful environment at job
leads Correct pronoun usage
their job
indrectly
to domestic violence and addictions.
In summary, both perspectives Correct your spelling
indirectly
directly
allows
Change the verb form
allow
youngster
to explore their Add an article
a youngster
the youngster
passion
. where one provides understanding
of society Add an article
an understanding
while
exploring the passion
with Correct article usage
a stong
stong
mentality other provides Correct your spelling
strong
safe
and secure environment to Add an article
a safe
figue
out their Correct your spelling
figure
passion
. However
, youngsters
needs
to understand the importance of experience and Change the verb form
need
job
satisfaction in life.Submitted by nick
on
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task achievement
While the essay does address both perspectives, it lacks depth in some areas. Offering more detailed examples and elaborating on points would strengthen the argument. For example, providing a specific anecdote or more statistics would add credibility and interest.
task achievement
The essay would benefit from clearer and more varied vocabulary. Some sentences are repetitive or unclear (e.g., 'try hit and trial method'). Working on sentence structure and word choice can enhance clarity and engagement.
coherence cohesion
Improve the transitions between paragraphs and ideas to enhance the logical flow. Some parts of the essay feel disjointed, and smoother transitions would help the reader follow the argument more easily.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction effectively sets up the essay's topic and states the writer's preference clearly. This establishes a strong direction for the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion summarizes the main points well and reiterates the importance of understanding and job satisfaction, leaving the reader with a clear sense of closure.
logical structure
The essay acknowledges multiple perspectives and their implications, showing a good understanding of the complexities involved in the issue.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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