Over consumption sugar is unhealthy. Some people think that government should take responsibility to control it. Others think that individuals should take responsibility of sugar intake. What is your opinion on this?
Over consumption
of Correct your spelling
Overconsumption
sugar
is a health issue that everyone discusses in the present generation due to
its harmful effects. Where
some believe Correct word choice
While
sugar
intake
is an individual responsibility
, However
, I will discuss the
both Remove the article
apply
opinion
and provide reasons using some examples explaining why I believe Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
government
should take Correct article usage
the government
responsibility
to control
its consumption.
First of all, Change preposition
for controlling
suger
consumption is an individual decision Correct your spelling
sugar
due to
which many believes
that, Change the verb form
believe
Correct pronoun usage
it its
its
an individual duty to take Correct your spelling
is
in-charge
of his Correct your spelling
charge
sugar
intake
. The individual should take responsibility
for his personal choices
. Primarily, a change of choices
encourages individual
to maintain a healthy lifestyle. To support his Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
choices
one could do regular exercise and maintain balanced
diet. Add an article
a balanced
In addition
, personal motivation and awareness leads
to Change the verb form
lead
a
sustainable health improvement.
Correct article usage
apply
On the other hand
, government
can take Add an article
the government
responsibility
by increaing
taxes on Correct your spelling
increasing
sugar
items and provide
Wrong verb form
providing
subsides
on Correct your spelling
subsidies
the
healthy products. Correct article usage
apply
This
way an individual would reduce his intake
. Similarly
, promoting healthy diet
& products and reducing marketing over fast food and sugary products and stopping market targeting children would Fix the agreement mistake
diets
further
lead to reduction
in Add an article
a reduction
sugar
intake
by each person. In addition
, spreading awareness on
Change preposition
of
harmful
effects of Correct article usage
the harmful
sugar
intake
could benefit society as well. To support this
awareness, India intiated
a day called rahagiri, in which everyone Correct your spelling
initiated
do
exercises, Change the verb form
does
group
activities like cycling etc.
In conclusion, Correct word choice
and group
although
it is an individual's responsibility
to maintain his lifestyle by making personal choices
, government
can contribute Add an article
the government
in
Change preposition
to
this
significantly, by supporting an individual lifestyle through
different ways. Change preposition
in
However
, It is a wholesome reponsibility
to overcome Correct your spelling
responsibility
sugar
intake
and maintain a healthy soceity
.Correct your spelling
society
Submitted by nick
on
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structure
The introduction could be clearer by directly stating the specific points that will be discussed, rather than using general statements. Improved clarity will help in setting the reader's expectations.
coherence
While the arguments are generally clear, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the point being made. This will enhance the logical flow of your essay.
examples
Provide more detailed and specific examples to support your points. This will help make your argument stronger and more convincing.
grammar
Be mindful of your grammar and sentence structure. There are minor errors that could be improved with careful proofreading.
Examples of corrections:
- "suger" should be "sugar"
- "in-charge" should be "in charge"
- "subsides" should be "subsidies"
- "rahagiri" should be "Raahgiri"
- "initated" should be "initiated"
- "soceity" should be "society"
- "an individual would reduce his intake" to "individuals would reduce their intake"
Regular practice will help you minimize such errors.
conclusion
The conclusion can be strengthened by summarizing the key points made in the essay and restating your opinion more assertively. This will leave a lasting impression on the reader.
task response
The essay covers both viewpoints regarding government and individual responsibility effectively.
conclusion
The conclusion aptly addresses the main points and provides a balanced viewpoint, which reflects well on your overall argument.
structure
The introduction and conclusion are present and relevant to the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.