The younger generation is mainly responsible for the latest technological developments. How far do you agree?

These days, mainly responsibility
lie
Change the verb form
lies
show examples
with our young
generation
of technological developments. But what is the most effective method for dealing with new
technologies
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
Some people believe that the latest technological development
require
Change the verb form
requires
show examples
new ideas. I completely agree with
this
statement, and in
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
I will support my opinion with examples
Firstly
, we need people with a fresh mindset and passion.
However
, these cannot be a group of developments who are already in there for a long time. If they give their experience to the younger
generation
then
the other depends on them. Another reason why I agree with the topic statement.
Furtherless
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, methodologies and educational processes are old already. We don’t add there are any info. Take our
universities
Change the noun form
university
show examples
programs as an example. I strongly believe that
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
programs will be changed
somethere
Correct your spelling
somewhere
in the future. What is
more
Add a comma
more,
show examples
if we
won’t
Correct your spelling
don’t
change the system,
thus
we stuck
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the same position for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one
generation
that
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
not guarantee any changes for the next one.
On the other hand
, we have an educational basement that
growth
Replace the word
grows
show examples
up many people who deserve the appreciation. Their
techolofigies
Correct your spelling
technologies
have made our life much easier.
As a result
, as I said previously we have a basement but if we want new
technologies
need to change something. In conclusion,
although
it is a common belief that
technologies
developing so fast. I believe that we will have a new
generation
,
we
Correct word choice
and we
show examples
will change our system of education. I look at it like
this
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
hard work to become
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
real from just wishes. Personally, I think that the younger
generation
what
Correct word choice
that
show examples
comes will have enough
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
to develop new
technologies
that
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
did not see yet.
Submitted by vladkruglovfencer on

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task achievement
Your introduction could be improved by clearly stating your thesis and outlining the main points you will discuss in your essay. Also, make sure to maintain a clear and consistent argument throughout.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your essay more effectively. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea of the paragraph. Use linking words and transitions to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Focus on expanding and clearly explaining your ideas. Make sure each point you make is supported by specific examples and evidence.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to write a clear and concise conclusion that summarizes the main points of your essay and restates your thesis in a compelling way.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear attempt to organize ideas and maintains a consistent focus on the topic.
coherence cohesion
You have included a conclusion that sums up your thoughts on the topic, which shows an understanding of essay structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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