IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The younger generation is mainly responsible for the latest technological developments. How far do you agree?

#generation #developments
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days, mainly responsibility
lie
Change the verb form
lies
show examples
 with our young
generation
Use synonyms
 of technological developments. But what is the most effective method for dealing with new
technologies
Use synonyms
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 Some people believe that the latest technological development
require
Change the verb form
requires
show examples
 new ideas. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, and in
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will support my opinion with examples
Firstly
Linking Words
, we need people with a fresh mindset and passion.
However
Linking Words
, these cannot be a group of developments who are already in there for a long time. If they give their experience to the younger
generation
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 the other depends on them. Another reason why I agree with the topic statement.
Furtherless
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, methodologies and educational processes are old already. We don’t add there are any info. Take our
universities
Change the noun form
university
show examples
 programs as an example. I strongly believe that
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 programs will be changed
somethere
Correct your spelling
somewhere
 in the future. What is
more
Add a comma
more,
show examples
 if we
won’t
Correct your spelling
don’t
 change the system,
thus
Linking Words
 we stuck
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the same position for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one
generation
Use synonyms
 that
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not guarantee any changes for the next one.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, we have an educational basement that
growth
Replace the word
grows
show examples
 up many people who deserve the appreciation. Their
techolofigies
Correct your spelling
technologies
 have made our life much easier.
As a result
Linking Words
, as I said previously we have a basement but if we want new
technologies
Use synonyms
 need to change something. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 it is a common belief that
technologies
Use synonyms
 developing so fast. I believe that we will have a new
generation
Use synonyms
,
we
Correct word choice
and we
show examples
 will change our system of education. I look at it like
this
Linking Words
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
hard work to become
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
real from just wishes. Personally, I think that the younger
generation
Use synonyms
what
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 comes will have enough
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
 to develop new
technologies
Use synonyms
 that
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
 did not see yet.
Submitted by vladkruglovfencer on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your introduction could be improved by clearly stating your thesis and outlining the main points you will discuss in your essay. Also, make sure to maintain a clear and consistent argument throughout.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your essay more effectively. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea of the paragraph. Use linking words and transitions to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Focus on expanding and clearly explaining your ideas. Make sure each point you make is supported by specific examples and evidence.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to write a clear and concise conclusion that summarizes the main points of your essay and restates your thesis in a compelling way.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear attempt to organize ideas and maintains a consistent focus on the topic.
coherence cohesion
You have included a conclusion that sums up your thoughts on the topic, which shows an understanding of essay structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: