IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Rich countries should not employ labour from poor countries because they need the workers more. Do you agree or disagree ?

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In an era of globalization where
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labor
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labour
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 mobility is a common phenomenon, the question of whether rich
countries
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 should employ
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labor
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labour
show examples
 from poorer
nations
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 is a contentious issue.
While
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 some argue that richer
nations
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 have a moral obligation to prioritize their own workforce, I firmly disagree with the notion that they should not employ
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labor
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labour
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 from poorer
countries
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 solely because of their own needs.
Firstly
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, it's essential to recognize that
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labor
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labour
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migration
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 benefits both the host
countries
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 and the migrant
workers
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 themselves. Rich
countries
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 often face
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labor
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labour
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 shortages in key sectors
such
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 as healthcare, agriculture, and hospitality. By welcoming
workers
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 from poorer
countries
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, they can fill these gaps, ensuring the smooth functioning of their economies and sustaining growth.
Moreover
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, migrants contribute to the cultural diversity and innovation of their host
nations
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, enriching societies and driving progress.
Furthermore
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, the employment of
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labor
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labour
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 from poorer
countries
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 is not a zero-sum game where one side wins at the expense of the other.
While
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 it's true that richer
countries
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 may benefit from access to a willing and often cheaper
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labor
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labour
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 force, migrant
workers
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also
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 gain employment opportunities, higher wages, and improved living standards.
Additionally
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, the remittances they send back to their home
countries
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 play a crucial role in poverty reduction and economic development, benefiting communities and entire
nations
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.
Moreover
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, the argument that rich
countries
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 "need" the
workers
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 more overlooks the interconnectedness of the global
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labor
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labour
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 market.
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Labor
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Labour
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migration
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 fosters mutual dependence and cooperation between
nations
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, promoting understanding and collaboration. It's not just about meeting immediate
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labor
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labour
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 needs but
also
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 about building stronger diplomatic ties and contributing to global prosperity and stability.
However
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, it's crucial for richer
countries
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 to ensure that
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labor
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labour
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migration
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 is conducted ethically and in line with international
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labor
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labour
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 standards.
This
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 includes providing fair wages, decent working conditions, and legal protections for migrant
workers
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,
as well as
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 addressing potential issues
such
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 as brain drain and dependency in the source
countries
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. In conclusion, the idea that rich
countries
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 should not employ
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labor
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labour
show examples
 from poorer
nations
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 because they "need" the
workers
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 more is short-sighted and ignores the mutual benefits of
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labor
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labour
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migration
Use synonyms
. By embracing diversity and harnessing the talents of migrant
workers
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, richer
nations
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 can not only address their
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labor
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labour
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 shortages but
also
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 contribute to global development and prosperity.

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task achievement
While the essay is well-structured and logically organized, it would benefit from the inclusion of more specific examples or case studies to support your points. This would strengthen the relevance and impact of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear and direct link to the thesis statement. While the connection is generally solid, reinforcing the main argument in each section can further enhance coherence.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear and well-articulated thesis statement that outlines your position effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your use of linking words and phrases contributes to the logical flow of the essay, making it easy to follow your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion are strong, providing a clear framework for your discussion and effectively summarizing your main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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