IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Smoking is major cause of serious illness and death throughout the world today. In the interest of the public health, governments should ban cigarettes and other tobacco products To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#illness #death #world #interest #health #governments #ban #cigarettes #tobacco #products
It is a frequent topic of discussion. As we know, we have
a
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apply
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plenty of massive illness and demise around the world.
Due to
 the fact that
,
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 vaping is a predominant reason. Status quo, in the interest of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
Change noun form
society's
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wellness. Regimes ought to inhibit
cigarettes
 and
tobacco
 goods. I totally
confirm
Verb problem
agree
show examples
to
Change preposition
with
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this
 opinion. At present times,
cigarettes
 and
tobacco
 cargos are detrimental and massive trouble for our wellness. Who are smoking
cigarettes
.
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?
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 They
Add a missing verb
are addict
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addict
Replace the word
addicted
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 to these
cigarettes
. After that, they struggle to abandon these. Many teenagers or older people take a pull
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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. Every now and
then
,
smoke
Correct article usage
the smoke
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 of their
cigarettes
 makes us cough. At that time, we shall be secondary
smoker
Fix the agreement mistake
smokers
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.
This
smoke
 is harmful
for
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to
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 our
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
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. There are more than 4000 chemicals in cigarette ingredients. Individuals who are puffing it. They will produce vapour.
That is
 water in the form of gas. If we
Add a missing verb
are concern
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concern
Replace the word
concerned
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 about
tobacco
 cargos. There are nicotine and other harmful substances. Every person
need
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needs
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 to be
overreaction
Add an article
an overreaction
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 to
tobacco
 cargos.
As well as
,
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 we have electronic
cigarettes
. And I know about
second hand
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second-hand
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smoke
. Which is more forceful than required.
Smoke
 is thought to be unsafe and
second hand
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second-hand
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smoke
 triggers more than 600 thousand early deaths and harmful diseases. As a case in point, cancer,
cardiovascular
Correct word choice
and cardiovascular
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 sicknesses. By way
of
Change preposition
in
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 conclusion, I tried to write all
details
Correct article usage
the details
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 about
cigarettes
 and
tobacco
 goods. These are hazardous for us.
Similarly
, there are
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
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 impacts during our life.
This
Correct determiner usage
These
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long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
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 impacts do not vamoose from our
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
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.
This
influence
Correct subject-verb agreement
influences
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to
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apply
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emotional health and physical health. The governments must ban or get rid of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 goods. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
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Add an article
a
the
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matter of
this
 topic is by far the worst issue throughout the world.
Submitted by Shaxnoza on

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task response
Your response to the task is evident, but it needs further development. Make sure to present a clear stance and supporting arguments in a more organized manner.
coherence
Try to organize your ideas more logically. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main point and presents a clear supporting argument.
cohesion
The essay should have smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Linking words and phrases can help improve the flow of your writing.
coherence
You have included both an introduction and a conclusion in your essay.
task response
Your essay addresses relevant points concerning the harmful effects of smoking and the need for government intervention.
task response
Your writing includes examples related to health issues caused by smoking, which strengthens your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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