In some countries a high proportion of criminal acts are performed by teenagers. Why is the case? What can be done about it?
It is true that the rate of juvenile
crime
is high in certain countries. This
writer believe
that Change the verb form
believes
this
is because of terrible parental upbringing and bad financial situation, while
this
can be addressed by the government providing free education
.
Central to this
issue is bad parental education
causing juvenile crime
. This
is particularly due to
irresponsible parents
whom
are overly lenient or unreasonably strict. Change the pronoun
who
As a result
, children will be free to run wild or rebel against their parent
by committing Fix the agreement mistake
parents
crime
. Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
For example
, teenagers
whose parents
do not care much about their moral education
will likely to
perform illegal actions.
Another aspect worth considering is worse financial background. When the child’s family is incapable of ensuring his or her living, the individual will have to make their own living to support his or her family. Fix the infinitive
apply
Combine
with labour regulations, children whose age Wrong verb form
Combined
do
not meet age requirements to be a worker will be forced to join illegal groups or organizations to make easy money to support their Correct subject-verb agreement
does
parents
. This
can be easily seen in many countries where bank robbery or petty crime
by teenagers
wanting to help their family
are the norm.
Fix the agreement mistake
families
However
, this
can be solved by the government applying free education
schemes. These incentives should be applied in places that are breeding grounds of crime
in order to reach maximum efficiency. By this
method, teenagers
whom both their
educational and financial Correct pronoun usage
whose
background
are bad will be able to acknowledge Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
about
laws, legislations and alternative but legal ways to help their Change preposition
apply
family
with monetary burdens. Fix the agreement mistake
families
Therefore
, crime
by teenagers
will be committed less.
Taking all points into account, this
phenomenon is believed to root
Wrong verb form
be rooted
from
worse upbringing by Change preposition
in
parents
and monetary background. Hence
, governments applying no-fee education
programmes will be a viable solution.Submitted by [email protected] on
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task achievement
Your essay provides a comprehensive response to the prompt by addressing both the causes and solutions for juvenile crime. To improve, try to develop each point more fully and include additional supportive examples to strengthen your arguments further.
advices
Ensure grammatical accuracy and refine sentence structures to make your essay more fluid. Phrases like 'likely to perform illegal actions' should be corrected to 'likely to engage in illegal activities.' This will enhance clarity and readability.
advices
In the paragraph discussing bad parental education, consider providing more diverse examples or case studies to illustrate the point more vividly.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph has a defined focus, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both parts of the task effectively, discussing the reasons behind juvenile crime and proposing a practical solution. This shows a thorough understanding of the task.
task achievement
The use of specific details, such as the mention of irresponsible parents and financial difficulties, adds depth to your arguments and helps to engage the reader.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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