In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people rergad this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important learning and taking responsiblities? Discuss both these views and give your own opinion
Since a long time ago,
children
has
been offered to help adults do simple tasks with a certain amount of pay. Change the verb form
have
While
more and more people start allowing children
learn
the value of Fix the infinitive
to learn
work
and money, there can be many misconduct for the kind of labour done under the gray area. This
essay will talk about finding the balance between both views and state several opinions in regards
to Fix the agreement mistake
regard
this
.
In America, it is common to see young children
from the neighboring
house sweep the leaves Change the spelling
neighbouring
on
their yard or deliver a simple item from an elderly for an extra dime. Fortunately, their parents monitor these small actions and allow Change preposition
in
this
type of work
because it introduces the value of money and responsibility to the children
at such
young
age. Correct article usage
a young
Moreover
, the children
who experienced a jump start of experiencing money,
will learn how transaction works, and will not be surprised when they have to enter the world of Remove the comma
apply
work
later in life. This
is done under the condition that the children
will have a balanced time for education, entertainment, and work
. Although
this
method of parenting is considered smart, it is most of the time executed poorly because of many underlying factors.
Frankly, the biggest take away
from Correct your spelling
takeaway
this
working scheme is when some tasks that are given to the children
are not up to standards. Sometimes, these tasks involve those who live in an underdeveloped country, where they ought to help their parents fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
the
financial needs under the circumstance of extreme poverty. As an example, the Change the word
their
children
in Africa are assigned to help their parents by working in the mines from the age of 15. However
, many irresponsible companies take advantage of this
situation by allowing child labour because they require a
lower pay. The example is visible through the endless campaigns of chocolate factories Correct article usage
apply
such
as Tony's who
choose to source their cacao beans from farms that do not Correct pronoun usage
which
conducts
child Change the verb form
conduct
labor
.
In conclusion, most child labour are done irresponsibly to cause danger to Change the spelling
labour
children
and exploit their childhood, hence
why, it should only be done under the monitoring of a responsible parent.Submitted by kelly on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure you introduce the main points clearly and stick to them throughout the essay. Some parts of the discussion seem a bit scattered. For instance, mentioning specific tasks children do in developed countries and comparing it with severe child labor cases in underdeveloped countries could use clearer transitions.
Task Achievement
You need to provide more supporting examples or statistics to make the arguments stronger. While you mentioned the example of children working in chocolate factories, more data or specifics could solidify your points further.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay could benefit from a more structured approach, such as clearly separating arguments for and against child labor in distinct paragraphs. This helps in guiding the reader more efficiently through your points.
Task Achievement
Your essay shows good understanding of the different dimensions of the issue, mentioning both the positive aspects of child work and the dangers of child labor exploitation.
Coherence & Cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which encapsulate the essence of your discussion.
Task Achievement
The use of relevant examples like the chocolate factories adds a real-world touch to your arguments.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example