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Band 5

Many feel that going to the gym is the best way to stay fit. Others think there are more effective methods. Dicuss both views and give your opinion.

#gym #methods #dicuss
Nowadays, there is a growing interest in staying in shape and being physically active. Some
people
 believe that enrolling in the
gym
 is the best way to do so,
while
 others believe that more effective ways are available to achieve these goals.
This
 essay will discuss both views and explain why the
gym
 is
one
 of the most optimal options available. On the
one
 hand, many
people
 complain that when they sign up
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
gym
 they do not attend
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
classes
therefore
,
enrollement
Correct your spelling
enrollment
 fees
goes
Change the verb form
go
show examples
 to waste.
However
, I believe that in order to reach the best result
one
 must be
commited
Correct your spelling
committed
 to the
gym
.
In other words
, no results will be seen without commitment. The
gym
 is
one
 of the most significant places in which someone
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 keep up with new athletic trends and different kinds of
excercises
Correct your spelling
exercises
 that are suitable for everyone including a variety of
excercises
Correct your spelling
exercises
such
 as; aerobics, gymnastics,
zumba
Change the capitalization
Zumba
show examples
, spinning, pilates, strength training and weight lifting.
Therefore
, an individual can opt for the type of physical training based on their preferences.
For instance
, aerobic
excercises
Correct your spelling
exercises
 are most beneficial for those who like to follow the orders of a physical instructor.
While
Correct word choice
People
show examples
people
 who require cardio
excercises
Correct your spelling
exercises
 will most certainly choose
zumba
Change the capitalization
Zumba
show examples
.
On the other hand
, other
excercises
Correct your spelling
exercises
 that do not require signing up to the
gym
 usually lack
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
 guidance ,which is accessible at the
gym
;
motivate
Correct subject-verb agreement
motivates
show examples
 most
people
 to stay
comitted
Correct your spelling
committed
, teaches them resilience, and
enable
Correct subject-verb agreement
enables
show examples
 them to be more flexible toward accepting their mistakes to perfect their
teqnique
Correct your spelling
technique
while
excercising
Correct your spelling
exercising
.
Moreover
, it could be dangerous not having a coach to correct forms and positions of
excercising
Correct your spelling
exercising
.
For instance
, a study that was conducted by
University
Correct article usage
the University
show examples
 of Toronto showed that there was an increase in sports injuries in
prople
Correct your spelling
people
 who attempted other sports activities outside the
gym
. Another case report showed severe scalp trauma in an individual who climbed a mountain without following safety protocols. In conclusion,
signinng-up
Correct your spelling
signing up
 in the
gym
 is the safest, best way to stay in shape as they offer a
wide-range
Correct your spelling
wide range
show examples
 of choices. Trying out different kinds of
excercises
Correct your spelling
exercises
 without the direct
suppervision
Correct your spelling
supervision
 present in the
gym
 is recommended.
Submitted by alamer_ma on

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General
Consider strengthening the supporting arguments with more concrete examples or evidence. Additionally, some grammatical errors and repetitive phrases could be refined.
Grammatical Accuracy
There were a few minor grammatical errors such as 'enrollment fees goes to waste' which should be 'enrollment fees go to waste' and 'different kinds of excercises' which should be 'different kinds of exercises'. Proofreading will help catch such errors.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improving coherence between paragraphs could be achieved by more clearly linking back to the essay's main argument in each paragraph. This will help to maintain a more coherent flow of ideas.
Task Response
The essay successfully presents and explains both sides of the argument. The introduction and conclusion are strong and clearly outline the writer’s opinion.
Lexical Resource
The range of vocabulary is appropriate and varied, showing a good command of language.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of ideas and paragraphs is well-organized, making the essay easy to follow.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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