IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many feel that going to the gym is the best way to stay fit. Others think there are more effective methods. Dicuss both views and give your opinion.

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Nowadays, there is a growing interest in staying in shape and being physically active. Some
people
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 believe that enrolling in the
gym
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 is the best way to do so,
while
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 others believe that more effective ways are available to achieve these goals.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and explain why the
gym
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 is
one
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 of the most optimal options available. On the
one
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 hand, many
people
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 complain that when they sign up
to
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for
show examples
 the
gym
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 they do not attend
to
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apply
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classes
therefore
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,
enrollement
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enrollment
 fees
goes
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go
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 to waste.
However
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, I believe that in order to reach the best result
one
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 must be
commited
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committed
 to the
gym
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.
In other words
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, no results will be seen without commitment. The
gym
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 is
one
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 of the most significant places in which someone
could
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can
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 keep up with new athletic trends and different kinds of
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excercises
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exercises
 that are suitable for everyone including a variety of
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excercises
Correct your spelling
exercises
such
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 as; aerobics, gymnastics,
zumba
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Zumba
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, spinning, pilates, strength training and weight lifting.
Therefore
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, an individual can opt for the type of physical training based on their preferences.
For instance
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, aerobic
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excercises
Correct your spelling
exercises
 are most beneficial for those who like to follow the orders of a physical instructor.
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While
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People
show examples
people
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 who require cardio
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excercises
Correct your spelling
exercises
 will most certainly choose
zumba
Change the capitalization
Zumba
show examples
.
On the other hand
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, other
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excercises
Correct your spelling
exercises
 that do not require signing up to the
gym
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 usually lack
excercise
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exercise
 guidance ,which is accessible at the
gym
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;
motivate
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motivates
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 most
people
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 to stay
comitted
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committed
, teaches them resilience, and
enable
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enables
show examples
 them to be more flexible toward accepting their mistakes to perfect their
teqnique
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technique
while
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excercising
Correct your spelling
exercising
.
Moreover
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, it could be dangerous not having a coach to correct forms and positions of
excercising
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exercising
.
For instance
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, a study that was conducted by
University
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the University
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 of Toronto showed that there was an increase in sports injuries in
prople
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people
 who attempted other sports activities outside the
gym
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. Another case report showed severe scalp trauma in an individual who climbed a mountain without following safety protocols. In conclusion,
signinng-up
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signing up
 in the
gym
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 is the safest, best way to stay in shape as they offer a
wide-range
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wide range
show examples
 of choices. Trying out different kinds of
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excercises
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exercises
 without the direct
suppervision
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supervision
 present in the
gym
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 is recommended.

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General
Consider strengthening the supporting arguments with more concrete examples or evidence. Additionally, some grammatical errors and repetitive phrases could be refined.
Grammatical Accuracy
There were a few minor grammatical errors such as 'enrollment fees goes to waste' which should be 'enrollment fees go to waste' and 'different kinds of excercises' which should be 'different kinds of exercises'. Proofreading will help catch such errors.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improving coherence between paragraphs could be achieved by more clearly linking back to the essay's main argument in each paragraph. This will help to maintain a more coherent flow of ideas.
Task Response
The essay successfully presents and explains both sides of the argument. The introduction and conclusion are strong and clearly outline the writer’s opinion.
Lexical Resource
The range of vocabulary is appropriate and varied, showing a good command of language.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of ideas and paragraphs is well-organized, making the essay easy to follow.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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