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Band 4.5

The percentage of people by age group visiting the cinema in a specific country from 1978 to 2008

#percentage #people #age #group #cinema #country
The line graph illustrates the proportion of residents in the distinct groups of age who came to the cinema once a month in Great British from 1984 to 2000.
Overall
, what stands out from the line graph is that there was an increase in the percentage of people in all of the age groups with the
group
agedage
Correct your spelling
aged age
aged
 15-24 seeing the most dramatic rise.
In addition
,
this
group
also
 possessed the highest figure through the timeline,
while
group
 35 and over continuously had the lowest rate during the period. Looking at the data, it can be seen that the proportion of
group
 15-24 started at about 17%, after which it experienced a significant increase to 55% in 1999, before ending the period at under 60%. Meanwhile, the percentage of inhabitants
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
aged from 7 to 14 was 10% in 1984 with a subsequent upward trend to reach a peak of 38% in 1999. Turning to the remaining figures, it is visible that in 1995, the figure just only 4% of the
group
agedage
Correct your spelling
aged
aged age
 25-35 went to the cinema once a month, after which it went up to 25% in 1994 and slightly increased to 32%
at the end
 of the period. A similar alternative, but to a lesser extent can be observed in the data for ages 35 and over, which soared from 1% to approximately 10% in 1999 and gradually surged up to 15% in one year later.

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task response
Ensure to maintain the consistency of the tense throughout the essay, particularly in describing the data trends over time.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the grammatical accuracy, especially with articles and prepositions, to enhance the overall clarity of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay clearly introduces the topic and concludes with a summary, providing a structured approach.
task response
The essay provides a reasonably comprehensive overview of the information presented in the line graph.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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