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Band 3

The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today

#plans #show #park #first
The maps illustrate how
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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a public
park
 named Grange
Park
 changed during about a century.
Overall
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Grance
Park
 saw a lot of changes and was transformed
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 convenient place. When the Grand
Park
 was built, it had more greeneries like Rose
gardens
Capitalize word
Gardens
show examples
.
However
, until now, only one Rose
garden
where
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 was located in the
north-west
Correct your spelling
northwest
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 of
garden
Add an article
the garden
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was remained
Change to the active voice
remained
has remained
show examples
. The seats
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the western side of
garden
Add an article
the garden
show examples
 were removed
as well as
 a stage for musicians in the middle of
Rose
Correct article usage
the Rose
show examples
gardens
Capitalize word
Gardens
show examples
.
Instead
 of
them
Add a comma
them,
show examples
 an Amphitheater for concerts was constructed. In the middle of
garden
Add an article
the garden
show examples
, there was
Fountain
Correct article usage
a Fountain
show examples
. It was demolished to make way for a new Rose
garden
.
Then
, around
this
garden
 put seats in. The Cafe was built
instead
 of
Rose
Correct article usage
the Rose
show examples
garden
Capitalize word
Garden
show examples
where
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 was located
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
West
Correct article usage
the West
show examples
 of
northern
Correct article usage
the northern
show examples
 entrance. Pond for water plants replaced by
Children's
Correct article usage
a Children's
show examples
 play area. The water feature where was located
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
south-east
Add an article
the south-east
show examples
 side of
park
Correct article usage
the park
show examples
established
Verb problem
apply
show examples
instead
 of
old
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
 Glasshouse and the entrance underground car
park
built
Add a missing verb
was built
show examples
 next to it.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the coherence of your essay by organizing your ideas more logically. This will help readers follow your thoughts more easily.
task achievement
Although your essay covers most of the main points, you could enhance the task achievement by making sure every change is explained clearly and concisely.
task achievement
Your grammar and vocabulary could use some improvement. For example, try using a wider range of sentence structures and more precise vocabulary.
task achievement
You have addressed the prompt well, discussing the main changes that have occurred in the park since 1920.
task achievement
You included specific details like the removal of the fountain and the construction of the amphitheater, which makes your response more comprehensive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • recreational facilities
  • landscaping
  • naturalistic
  • amenities
  • formal gardens
  • ergonomic
  • symmetric designs
  • inclusive
  • accessible
  • accommodations
  • native plant species
  • societal changes
  • visitor services
  • community events
  • evolution
  • modern playgrounds
  • wildflower meadows
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