IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Many people nowadays don’t feel safe either when they are at home or go out. What are the reasons? What can we do to solve this problem?

#people #don’t #home
Nowadays, some
of
Change preposition
apply
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males and females feel unsafe no matter stay at home or
at
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apply
show examples
outside which could lead to many reasons
such
 as domestic crime rising
rapidily
Correct your spelling
rapidly
rapidity
 and mental health diseases. On the one hand,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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 urban society grows as fast as possible which
lead
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leads
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 to people lost
sence
Correct your spelling
sense
 of belonging.
For example
,the citizen who
live
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lives
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 in
city
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the city
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don't
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doesn't
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 know their
neighborhoods
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neighbourhoods
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,when a thief
walk
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walks
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 into
the
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a
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 building and brokes into your apartment when you are outside to
stole
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steal
show examples
 your stuff and
then
 just goes out.
Because of your
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Your
show examples
 neighbor doesn't know who lives in
this
 room which means that he or she can't recognize it
is
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as
show examples
Correct article usage
the theif
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theif
Correct your spelling
thief
 or the flat owner.
Hence
,the robber could
easier
Rephrase
easily go
show examples
 to someone's house to rub.In the past,people knew each
others
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other
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 so when a stranger showed up in the building, other apartment owners would
noticed
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notice
be noticed
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 and
did
Wrong verb form
do
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 the action.
On the other hand
,sexual
harresment
Correct your spelling
harassment
, rub and non-purpose killing happen on streets.Being a female walking on the street should take
notices
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notice
show examples
about
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of
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 their physical body not being sexual attachments and
also
 take care of their poverty that not being rubbed,which means that stand out
should
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and should
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also
 pay attention to
ourself
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themselves
show examples
. When talking about how to solve
problem
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problems
show examples
 solutions
is
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are
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 a big issue.In my opinion,the government should do the most.Clean up the streets makes all the
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 feel the view of
city
Add an article
the city
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 is clean,
increase
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increases
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 the employment rates to make everyone live in better life,
Correct word choice
and decresses
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decresses
Correct your spelling
decreases
decrease
 the crime rates to reduce
violient
Correct your spelling
violence
happen
Wrong verb form
happening
show examples
 on the streets.
Submitted by diana1992lin on

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task response
Ensure clarity and completeness in the introduction by clearly stating the reasons why people don't feel safe and previewing the solutions.
task achievement
Enhance each main point with more detailed and relevant examples to support the arguments. For example, specify statistics or case studies about crime rates and incidents of harassment.
task achievement
Develop clear and comprehensive ideas by avoiding repetition and ensuring that each sentence contributes a new insight to the argument or solution.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical structure by ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next and each idea builds on the last.
coherence cohesion
Ensure introduction and conclusion link well with body paragraphs, providing a concise preview of the points and summarizing main ideas and solutions.
task response
The essay attempts to address both reasons for the lack of safety and possible solutions, which is good for fulfilling the task requirements.
task achievement
The essay uses examples, such as the scenario of a thief in a building, which helps to illustrate the points made more vividly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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