Many people nowadays don’t feel safe either when they are at home or go out. What are the reasons? What can we do to solve this problem?
Nowadays, some
of
males and females feel unsafe no matter stay at home or Change preposition
apply
at
outside which could lead to many reasons Change preposition
apply
such
as domestic crime rising rapidily
and mental health diseases.
On the one hand,Correct your spelling
rapidly
rapidity
the
urban society grows as fast as possible which Correct article usage
apply
lead
to people lost Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
sence
of belonging.Correct your spelling
sense
For example
,the citizen who live
in Change the verb form
lives
city
Add an article
the city
don't
know their Change the verb form
doesn't
neighborhoods
,when a thief Change the spelling
neighbourhoods
walk
into Change the verb form
walks
the
building and brokes into your apartment when you are outside to Correct article usage
a
stole
your stuff and Change the form of the verb
steal
then
just goes out.Because of your
neighbor doesn't know who lives in Change preposition
Your
this
room which means that he or she can't recognize it is
Correct your spelling
as
Correct article usage
the theif
theif
or the flat owner.Correct your spelling
thief
Hence
,the robber could easier
to someone's house to rub.In the past,people knew each Rephrase
easily go
others
so when a stranger showed up in the building, other apartment owners would Change to a singular noun
other
noticed
and Change the verb form
notice
be noticed
did
the action.
Wrong verb form
do
On the other hand
,sexual harresment
, rub and non-purpose killing happen on streets.Being a female walking on the street should take Correct your spelling
harassment
notices
Fix the agreement mistake
notice
about
their physical body not being sexual attachments and Change preposition
of
also
take care of their poverty that not being rubbed,which means that stand out should
Correct word choice
and should
also
pay attention to ourself
.
When talking about how to solve Correct pronoun usage
themselves
problem
solutions Fix the agreement mistake
problems
is
a big issue.In my opinion,the government should do the most.Clean up the streets makes all the Correct subject-verb agreement
are
citizen
feel the view of Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
city
is clean,Add an article
the city
increase
the employment rates to make everyone live in better life,Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
Correct word choice
and decresses
decresses
the crime rates to reduce Correct your spelling
decreases
decrease
violient
Correct your spelling
violence
happen
on the streets.Wrong verb form
happening
Submitted by diana1992lin on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task response
Ensure clarity and completeness in the introduction by clearly stating the reasons why people don't feel safe and previewing the solutions.
task achievement
Enhance each main point with more detailed and relevant examples to support the arguments. For example, specify statistics or case studies about crime rates and incidents of harassment.
task achievement
Develop clear and comprehensive ideas by avoiding repetition and ensuring that each sentence contributes a new insight to the argument or solution.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical structure by ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next and each idea builds on the last.
coherence cohesion
Ensure introduction and conclusion link well with body paragraphs, providing a concise preview of the points and summarizing main ideas and solutions.
task response
The essay attempts to address both reasons for the lack of safety and possible solutions, which is good for fulfilling the task requirements.
task achievement
The essay uses examples, such as the scenario of a thief in a building, which helps to illustrate the points made more vividly.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.