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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

A for and against essay about online communication

#communication
It is no longer a phenomenon but is an actual
facts
Change the noun form
fact
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 that
people
 are keen on using online channels and social
medias
Correct your spelling
media
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 to communicate in
this
 modern world. For
instant
Add an article
an instant
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,
people
 who video call and message through apps and social
medias
Correct your spelling
media
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and
Correct word choice
apply
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are rising in numbers.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
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rise
Verb problem
raises
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 the question of all time: do
people
 prefer online communication
than
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over
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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other? In the beginning, it is impossible to deny the benefits that online communication brings to human life.
Firstly
, it has helped us to be able to talk to others without the problem of distance.
For example
, Companies
which
Correct pronoun usage
whose
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 employees are universal can host
meeting
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meetings
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 online; students studying abroad can stay in touch with their parents…etc.
Finally
,
people
 can reconsider their words when texting online because they do not have to worry about misspeaking or
hurt
Wrong verb form
hurting
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the
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apply
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others
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other's
others'
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feeling
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feelings
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.
In contrast
, though in some cases, online communication is rather necessary
however
 it is easy to see
youngster
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youngsters
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these day
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this day
these days
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 yearn for
these way
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this way
these ways
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 of socializing. Which creates dramatic disadvantages that can affect the users. The biggest
drawbacks
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drawback
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 that may
occurs
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occur
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 is that
people
 might get addicted to the apps and media.
By
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In
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 other words, if being overused it can lead to disastrous consequences like no longer able to talk face to face. Another thing is,
with
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that
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lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of protection or awareness
it
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apply
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may lead to identity stolen.
Furthermore
, it can enhance the risks of data breaches and hacking, especially among teenagers.
Finally
, online users can’t see the real emotions expressed on real human faces. To make a long story short, it is hard to argue the profits that online
communicating
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communication
show examples
 brings.
However
, we should clearly not
neglects
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neglect
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face-to-face
Correct article usage
the face-to-face
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 way of communicating and dive too deep
in
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into
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online
Correct article usage
the online
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way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
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 of conversing.
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task achievement
To improve task achievement, make sure to address all parts of the prompt more thoroughly and directly. For example, elaborate on more specific scenarios where online communication has shaped modern interactions.
coherence cohesion
It is important to work on coherence and cohesion by ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Use clear connectors and cohesive devices to link ideas within and between paragraphs.
language
Pay attention to language accuracy and complexity. Some sentences have grammatical mistakes and awkward structures that need correction. Improving grammar and vocabulary will help convey ideas more clearly.
content
The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of online communication, which shows a balanced approach.
relevance
Good effort in providing examples such as video calls and the ability for companies to hold online meetings, which help illustrate points.
structure
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which aids in framing the essay well.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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