It is inevitable that as technology advances, traditional cultures will be lost. It seems that we cannot have these two things together. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In
the
modern society, technologies are developing Correct article usage
apply
with
an unbelievable speed. Change preposition
at
However
, due to
technological advances, traditional cultures will disappear. This
is inevitable so that
we cannot have these two things together. From my perspective, I totally disagree with Correct word choice
apply
this
opinion, since advanced technology
is a tool for promoting our cutural
Correct your spelling
cultural
values
.
To begin
with, traditions and cultures appeared as a result
of many historical events, and they have gone through time filters. These cultures are essential as they connect a person to his family roots..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
Moreover
, there are many nations on the globe, and each nation has its own traditional and cultural values
. Therefore
, we need to have a tool which could help us adapt
other traditional and cultural Correct your spelling
adopt
values
, and advanced technology
would be the best choice for us to do that. Technology
has become inevitable
part of human life. If we use it properly, it will help to communicate about these Add an article
an inevitable
values
, so that we should utilize them maximum
On the other hand
, modern machinery gifted people
with ability
to connect despite their locations. Add an article
the ability
Therefore
, we can use it as a tool to educate people
about the traditions and the importance of preserving them. For instance
, people
can use either Facebook or Instagram to make community groups in which people
from all around the world can share cultural
Correct article usage
the cultural
values
of their regions so that we can arrange various festivals to promote their culture.
To sum up
, improved technology
does not make traditional values
disappear, but helps to circulate traditional values
. Therefore
, I think both can go together.Submitted by dohuyhoang on
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task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your argument. Consider using a clear example that showcases how technology can promote traditional cultures.
coherence cohesion
Avoid small grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes. Proofreading your work or asking someone to review it can help. For example, "so that" in the introduction should be replaced with "therefore," and "so that we should utilize them maximum" should be revised to "so we should utilize them to the maximum extent."
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and connected, effectively framing your essay.
coherence cohesion
You provided a logical structure to your essay, making it easy to follow your argument.
task achievement
Your response is comprehensive and demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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