Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages to being self-employed? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, working for someone is
nolonger
Correct your spelling
no longer
fashionable,
nevertheless
, most
people
prefare
Correct your spelling
prefer
working for themselves to formal employment. In
this
essay, I will discuss the reasons why
this
is happening and give examples from my personal experience. Over the years , there
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
a growing number of
people
resorting to
self employment
Add a hyphen
self-employment
show examples
rather than getting a job at big firms. There are many reasons
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
development,
these
Correct word choice
and these
show examples
include, flexibility. It is flexible for one to
work
for themselves because they are able to
work
at their own
time
and own pace. They are their own bosses, no one will be following behind them to supervise their
work
or to command them.
For instance
, my friend John, quit his job at a local furniture factory because he did not like the
time
they
start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
and
finish
Wrong verb form
finished
show examples
work
since he had other
responsibilies
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
at home which were clashing with his
work
schedule, moreso, he had a nagging supervisor who was always on his case,
therefore
he was tired of being tossed around like a child.
However
, John decided to start his
on
Correct your spelling
own
show examples
carpentry workshop so that he
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
work
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
his own
time
and
also
be his own boss without anyone commanding him. On a bigger scale, I have realised that self-employed
people
have better financial freedom
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
than those
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
a
payrole
Correct your spelling
pay role
by certain organisations. Remember, it is difficult to be rich
while
you are working for someone than when you are running your own business.
For example
, when my mother was working for a local motor spare parts shop, she
couldnt
Correct your spelling
couldn't
afford to buy a car for herself, but when she quit her job and went on to open her own shop selling
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
products, it only took her a year and she was able to buy herself a
laxury
Correct your spelling
luxury
car. I give due credit to our Government of Zimbabwe for their initiative to support self-empowerment through the
Indiginisation
Fix capitalization
indiginisation
show examples
and local empowerment program.
This
program helps to fund small
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
and give them guidance. Considering that many companies require a CV with
work
experience and certain qualifications that many local
people
can not afford, we have seen many
people
resorting to starting their own small projects
such
as poultry, commercial farming, and
small scale
Add a hyphen
small-scale
show examples
mining. In conclusion, it goes without
say
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saying
show examples
that, self-employment is the best way to financial freedom. At the same
time
we should not forget that getting employed by other companies is crucial so that one can get
knowlege
Correct your spelling
knowledge
and capital to start their own business.
Submitted by sisalt100 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task effectively, but there are some areas for improvement. Ensure you maintain consistency in spelling and avoid typos, such as 'prefare' instead of 'prefer' and 'nolonger' instead of 'no longer.'
task achievement
You provide relevant examples from personal experience, which help in supporting your points. However, further details in these examples or more varied examples could enrich your discussion.
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from more complex sentence structures and cohesive devices to improve the logical flow between ideas. Try to use transitional phrases like 'moreover,' 'in addition,' or 'furthermore' to enhance the coherence of your argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction sets the stage well for the discussion, and the conclusion summarizes your main points effectively. Make sure the conclusion strongly ties back to the essay question and reinforces the key arguments made.
task achievement
You have provided clear and relevant examples from personal experience to support your main points, which adds credibility to your argument.
coherence cohesion
The main points in your essay are well-supported and logically developed. There's a good balance between discussing the advantages and addressing potential disadvantages of self-employment.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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