Write about the following topic: Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. H Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
The debate of the
professionals
sportsmen should earn significantly more than other crucial occupations is continuously addressed. Some would say Change the noun form
professional
that is
fair have to be
a greater reward for Unnecessary verb
apply
Correct article usage
a masters
masters
in a Fix the agreement mistake
master
sport
domain, Change the noun form
sports
while
others belive
it is inequitable. Correct your spelling
believe
This
essay will discuss both arguments and will present in the end my personal view.
On one
hand, there are not so many individuals top-dog in a certain field. Being the best at something makes you one
of a kind and those who train day and night and dedicate their entire life to be on top are entitled to be rewarded accordingly
. Moreover
, having such
an enormous prize
Correct your spelling
price
,
may encourage Remove the comma
apply
competiveness
and Correct your spelling
competitiveness
professionals
to strike to
the top of the ladder. Change preposition
apply
For instance
, football players are well-known for their highly
benefits and teams are paying good money for Leo Messi because he is Change the adverb
high
one
of the best and his tactics can’t be replicated.
On the other hand
, there are also
other people who dedicate their life
to a career and earn less because it is not in the Fix the agreement mistake
lives
sport
field. Even though those who are excellent in an area still get paid enormously, they don’t have the chance to earn a Change the noun form
sports
tremendously
Replace the word
tremendous
amound
of money like sports Correct your spelling
amount
professionals
do. Lawyers, ingenieurs, doctors and other key professionals
invest almost their entire life
into education, practice and excellence, and sometimes their work is not paid Fix the agreement mistake
lives
accordingly
. For example
, doctors have to finish a lot of years of study to be able to practice in the field. They also
save lifes
, so their work is crucial to Correct your spelling
lives
the
society.
Correct article usage
apply
To conclude
, the top-dog sportsmen are one
of a kind and a big reward makes them to
strive to the top. Some people would say that there is a bias Change the verb form
apply
having
them paid more than other Change preposition
in having
proffesion
, but I can’t agree with Correct your spelling
profession
professions
this
point of view because this
is what makes the competition fierce.Submitted by catalinamaria.n on
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task achievement
The essay does a good job of addressing both sides of the argument and provides a clear opinion at the end. However, to improve task response, consider elaborating on your examples and providing more specific detailed points to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, try to improve the transitions between paragraphs and ensure your ideas flow smoothly. Using more cohesive devices would also help in this regard.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of language accuracy and avoid minor grammatical errors. For example, 'ingenieurs' should be 'engineers,' and 'amound' should be 'amount.' Refining your language will make your writing more professional.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame your essay. Good job!
task achievement
The examples provided are relevant and help to illustrate your points well.