IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process of making sugar from sugar cane.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process of making sugar from sugar cane.
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This
Linking Words
 diagram shows the process of making sugar from a sugar can. There are seven steps in
this
Linking Words
 procedure. Farming
Use synonyms
carbohydrate
Fix the agreement mistake
carbohydrates
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 until dry
Use synonyms
carbohydrate
Fix the agreement mistake
carbohydrates
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contains
Verb problem
are
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shows
Wrong verb form
shown
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 with seven steps of long-term methods. To start with
growing
Replace the word
growth
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 should continue
within
Change preposition
for
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 towel to eighteen months.The second step is to harvest after the mentioned months of times of planning.Harvesting either manually cutting down or with the use of heavy trucks
such
Linking Words
 as tractors or bring it down to the ground.
Furthermore
Linking Words
Add a comma
,
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crush it until white juice. As is contain until raw material to juice Filtering is another part of the process to start before heat. During
this
Linking Words
 period manufacturers use an evaporator to heat the poured sugar to heat. Makeover when liquid becomes syrup by help from
separate
Wrong verb form
separating
show examples
 the
carbohydrate
Use synonyms
 crystal from syrup
then
Linking Words
 gathered into a container for cooling and drying to take its order.
In addition
Linking Words
, in conclusion
Add a comma
,
show examples
the activity and the
carbohydrate
Use synonyms
 are produced which is now ready to use.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words carbohydrate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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