Nowadays, children spend too much time watching TV and playing computer games. Some people believe this has negative effects on children's mental abilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
spending
time
in
frount
Correct your spelling
front
of
screen
Correct article usage
a screen
show examples
is becoming increasingly popular
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
kid's
Change the noun form
kids
kid
show examples
.
Although
using
tecnology
Correct your spelling
technology
for a long
time
can lead to isolation , we can not deny the fact
that
is
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
also
effect
the
prain
Correct your spelling
brain
pain
.
Thiss
Correct your spelling
This
essay will discuss why children should reduce the
time
of using technology as much as possible .  On the one hand , technology is a huge
world
.
childern
Correct your spelling
Children
can find thier
whatevere
Correct your spelling
whatever
they
Add a missing verb
are interesting
show examples
interesting
Replace the word
interested
show examples
in .
However
, some young people are addicted to
these
Change the determiner
this world
these worlds
show examples
world
because it is
becom
Correct your spelling
become
becoming
their comfort zone. Meanwhile,
thiss
Correct your spelling
this
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
had a
nigative
Correct your spelling
negative
drowback
Correct your spelling
drawback
,its
effect
their
comunication
Correct your spelling
communication
skills .
The recent
Correct article usage
Recent
show examples
research
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
that the number of
peaple
Correct your spelling
people
who
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
social insiety and
confident
Replace the word
confidence
show examples
proplem
Correct your spelling
problems
is relatively high compared with past
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
show examples
.
On the other hand
, playing video
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
can lade to
consenteration
Correct your spelling
concentration
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
.
For example
,
Correct article usage
the Programing
show examples
Programing
Correct your spelling
Programming
show examples
world
is a fast
world
and
some
Correct your spelling
sometimes
show examples
time
it fast more than the level that can children
prain
Correct your spelling
maintain
except it .
In addition
, our normal life is
slowly
Replace the word
slow
show examples
compared with
technology
Correct article usage
the technology
show examples
world
so that's
difference
Add an article
a difference
the difference
show examples
in speed
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
Add an article
the effect
show examples
effect
Correct your spelling
affects
show examples
the
prain
Correct your spelling
brain
pain
and
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
it lose
focusing
Change the form of the verb
focus
show examples
.
Moreover
, let us
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not forget to
mintion
Correct your spelling
mention
that
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
is
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
mential problem
becom
Correct your spelling
becoming
more
popular
Correct word choice
common
show examples
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
kid's
Change noun form
kid
show examples
such
as ADHD and many sience
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
that
programing
Correct your spelling
programming
show examples
and video game playing
importent
Correct your spelling
important
bart of that increase. In
concusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, watching TV and playing video games can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
chidren
Correct your spelling
children
and lead to losing their
focuse
Correct your spelling
focus
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
easly
Correct your spelling
easily
and
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
the quality of their soft skills.
Submitted by ananan2780 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Work on reducing grammatical errors and improving sentence structure. This will help convey your ideas more clearly.
vocabulary
Enhance your vocabulary to make the essay more engaging and precise.
task achievement
Provide more detailed and specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are present, which helps frame the essay well.
supported main points
The main points are relevant to the topic and show a good understanding of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: