IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Today, the high sales of popular consumers goods reflect the power of advertising and not real need of society in which they are sold. What extent do you agree or disagree ?

#sales #consumers #goods #power #society
Some say that people nowadays only buy products because they are advertised well, and me personally I strongly agree with
this
 for I have seen it happen one too many times even to myself. Since people judge the outer appearance first if products are attractive looking and have gained a lot of popularity because of their advertising they would reach for it and buy it simply for that reason alone if
if
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
perhaps they don't need it, as opposed to something they did in fact need. And we as a society need to be more aware of these traps companies and marketing strategies set for us
Submitted by ghj9377 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay clearly addresses the topic, but it lacks depth and sufficient examples. Try to provide more specific and relevant examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure your introduction clearly presents your main argument and sets the stage for your essay. Also, a conclusion to summarize the main points would give a better sense of completeness to your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow by structuring your essay into clear paragraphs. For example, have separate paragraphs for the introduction, each supporting point, and the conclusion.
task achievement
Clarify and expand your ideas for better comprehension. Present each point clearly and back it up with detailed explanations and examples.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion, which is essential for a good essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your language, though informal, does engage the reader and makes your argument relatable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!