Many offenders commit more crime after serving their first punishment. Why are this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?
There is a penalty for every outlaw activity. The matter is that
crime
commitment may happen more by
first-time culprits after their punishments. The cause of Change preposition
to
this
appears to be focused on two areas, and a number of solutions also
appear to be possible.
Perhaps the major factor here is the lack of appropriate
Correct article usage
an appropriate
punishing
system. Replace the word
punishment
In other words
, there might be some criminal activities not being taken enough seriously by authorities. One, therefore
, after the punishment, may tend to commit the
similar Correct article usage
a
crime
again. An obvious example to illustrate this
,
is my colleague who had cheated in returning petty cash to our organization. The only measure that our boss took was taking the petty cash back from him and Remove the comma
apply
gave
it to another clerk. Wrong verb form
giving
This
is why he committed a similar crime
later on. Another cause might be criminals not being accepted by the society. Offenders, after spending their time in prison, need to move on and live a better life. To do this
, all they need is a decent job. However
, due to
bad records
, chances are very slim for them to be recruited by an employer. They, therefore
, turn in to
outlaw activities not because they want to but because they have to make a living. A telling example is a man who had made a mistake and stolen money out of despair, Correct your spelling
into
the
employment Change the word
his
of
Change preposition
apply
him
might be a real challenge. Correct pronoun usage
apply
This
led him to choose the easiest way which is stealing to pay his bills.
Turning to possible solutions, an obvious step would be revising the law to allocate proper sentence
for repeated unlawful action. If the punishment suited the offence, it would be prohibitive to keep individuals Fix the agreement mistake
sentences
of
committing Change preposition
from
the
similar Correct article usage
a
crime
again. A second remedy might be measures taking
by governments to clean one's Wrong verb form
taken
records
after not committing any illegal acts for a specific period depending on the felony. A good case in point is a former thief being unemployed due his
bad Change preposition
to his
records
. If his records
being
disappeared after a Unnecessary verb
apply
while
, he might not commit
any illegal act.
In summary, the factors of Wrong verb form
have committed
Correct article usage
an unappropriated
unappropriated
punishment system and unacceptance by society appear to be the main causes. The allocation of prohibitive sentences to repeated crimes and Correct your spelling
inappropriate
disappearance
of Correct article usage
the disappearance
criminal's
bad record after a Correct article usage
a criminal's
while
not
committing any illegal action may well lessen the severity of the problem.Change preposition
of not
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coherence
To further improve your essay, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that every sentence within a paragraph elaborates on that topic. This will boost the logical flow and clarity of your writing.
lexical resource
Your essay would benefit from stronger and more varied lexical choices. Try to use more synonyms and academic phrases to avoid repetition and add sophistication to your arguments.
task achievement
Although your examples are relevant, they could be more explicitly tied to the points you're making. Try to underline how each example directly supports your argument to make your essay more persuasive.
introduction
The introduction is clear and sets up the essay well by outlining the main causes and potential solutions to the problem of reoffending.
conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in your essay, encapsulating the issue and the proposed solutions well.
relevant examples
You used relevant examples to support your points, which is essential for a strong task response.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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