The chart shows the percentage of people in one country, by age group, who visited one or more museums in 2006, 2011 and 2016. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart shows the percentage of people in one country, by age group, who visited one or more museums in 2006, 2011 and 2016.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar graph illustrates the
propotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
of the population
travelled
Wrong verb form
travelling
show examples
to one or more
museums
over the time interval of 5
years
from 2005 to 2016, against different age groups.
Overall
, the number of young children and teens
tend
Correct pronoun usage
who tend
show examples
to visit
musuem
Correct your spelling
museum
museums
remains almost constant
while
, slighter older generation and middle-aged personal showed an increase in percentage over the
years
.
Firstly
, teenagers
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
group
15-24 showed a constant percentage
approximately
Change preposition
of approximately
show examples
25%
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
all 3
years
.
Further more
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
show examples
, people from 25-34 and 35-44 age groups showed increasing interest
to visit
Change preposition
in visiting
show examples
museums
from 2006 to 2016.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the first
group
started in 2006 with a little above 25% and gradually increased to a little over 30% in 2016.
While
the latter
group
which started
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
only 20% made a drastic increase and ended
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
above 35%.
Secondly
, the older generation does not
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
much interest in visiting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
museums
.
Group
Correct article usage
A group
show examples
of people between 55 and 64 were fans of
museums
in the initial
years
, but they lost interest over the
years
and only a little below 30% visited
museums
in 2016.
In addition
,
much
Add an article
the much
show examples
older generation who are above 65,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are not keen to see
museums
, so they kept a much lesser percentage over the
years
, nearer to 20%.
Submitted by augustinjose99 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Vocabulary: Replace the words museums, years, group with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: