Countries with a long average working day are likely to be more economically successful than other countries, but many suffer some negative social-consequences as a result. Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
To begin
Linking Words
, it is vital to understand that a plethora of developed countries
such
Linking Words
as the USA, and Europe nations are investing in their financial systems and economic situations.
As a result
Linking Words
, the government increases employees’ working
time
Use synonyms
to run
progresses
Verb problem
apply
show examples
radically and makes workers try their uttermost to dedicate
to
Correct pronoun usage
themselves to
show examples
the processes in each of the companies. The countries forcing people to have more
time
Use synonyms
to work in a float of offices or factories can enjoy fiercely competitive markets in the world now and turn into a modernized powerful country.
In contrast
Linking Words
, trying to exhaust the workers' mental health thanks to rising the
time
Use synonyms
of working can lead to disappointments in society. Individuals after working for a long
time
Use synonyms
can suffer from stress and
Change preposition
apply
show examples
under
Change preposition
apply
show examples
pressure.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they don't have
time
Use synonyms
to take care of themselves or their families, so they will be sick and have some bad conditions.
Moreover
Linking Words
, because they burn the midnight oil to work, they may have insomnia
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
condition will decrease their attention and lead to bad results in their careers.
Additionally
Linking Words
, if their chagrin
becomes
Verb problem
apply
show examples
overflow
Fix the agreement mistake
overflows
show examples
, it will make a riot protesting the
heaving working
Correct your spelling
heavy-working
show examples
regime. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
the heavy schedule in working can affect the ways of improving the economy in countries, they will have a large amount of social consequences. The governments should set up reasonable working times for employees and the workers should enjoy their lives rather than focusing most of their
time
Use synonyms
on earning money.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Try to include more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention actual statistics or case studies from countries with long working hours and their economic and social impacts.
task response
Work on improving the clarity and depth of your ideas. Some points need more elaboration to be fully understood and convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a logical flow between your paragraphs. Sometimes the transition between ideas feels abrupt. Use linking phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Avoid generalizations. Specify which European nations or industries you are referring to for a more precise argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in presenting and wrapping up your argument effectively.
task response
You have highlighted both the economic advantages and social disadvantages of long working hours, providing a balanced view.
task response
The language used shows a good range of vocabulary and grammatical structures.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: