Countries with a long average working day are likely to be more economically successful than other countries, but many suffer some negative social-consequences as a result. Do you agree or disagree?
To begin
, it is vital to understand that a plethora of developed countries such
as the USA, and Europe nations are investing in their financial systems and economic situations. As a result
, the government increases employees’ working time
to run progresses
radically and makes workers try their uttermost to dedicate Verb problem
apply
to
the processes in each of the companies. The countries forcing people to have more Correct pronoun usage
themselves to
time
to work in a float of offices or factories can enjoy fiercely competitive markets in the world now and turn into a modernized powerful country.
In contrast
, trying to exhaust the workers' mental health thanks to rising the time
of working can lead to disappointments in society. Individuals after working for a long time
can suffer from stress and Change preposition
apply
under
pressure. Change preposition
apply
Furthermore
, they don't have time
to take care of themselves or their families, so they will be sick and have some bad conditions. Moreover
, because they burn the midnight oil to work, they may have insomnia and
condition will decrease their attention and lead to bad results in their careers. Correct word choice
apply
Additionally
, if their chagrin becomes
Verb problem
apply
overflow
, it will make a riot protesting the Fix the agreement mistake
overflows
heaving working
regime.
In conclusion, Correct your spelling
heavy-working
although
the heavy schedule in working can affect the ways of improving the economy in countries, they will have a large amount of social consequences. The governments should set up reasonable working times for employees and the workers should enjoy their lives rather than focusing most of their time
on earning money.Submitted by [email protected] on
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task response
Try to include more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention actual statistics or case studies from countries with long working hours and their economic and social impacts.
task response
Work on improving the clarity and depth of your ideas. Some points need more elaboration to be fully understood and convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a logical flow between your paragraphs. Sometimes the transition between ideas feels abrupt. Use linking phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Avoid generalizations. Specify which European nations or industries you are referring to for a more precise argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in presenting and wrapping up your argument effectively.
task response
You have highlighted both the economic advantages and social disadvantages of long working hours, providing a balanced view.
task response
The language used shows a good range of vocabulary and grammatical structures.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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