IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In spite of advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is the case? What can be done about this problem?

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Nowadays, in spite of achievements in
food
Use synonyms
 resources, still there are people who suffer from starvation.
This
Linking Words
 matter can have reasons, and
also
Linking Words
, there are solutions to defend
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
condition
Use synonyms
, that
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 essay will
be considered
Wrong verb form
consider
show examples
. To commence with, one of the reasons that some are confronted by hunger in the world
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is related to the country's management disabilities. These malfunctions could
be
Verb problem
occur
show examples
 in many ways;
however
Linking Words
, the major area which can influence individuals negatively
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
food
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, Iran's
governors
Change to a genitive case
governor's
governors'
show examples
inadequacy in water saving
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 has
leaded
Correct your spelling
led
show examples
 to drought in the south of Iran, in
Baloochestan
Correct your spelling
Balochistan
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, in that
area
Add a comma
area,
show examples
 people cannot harvest their crops or feed their livestock.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
food
Use synonyms
 problem can be solved. One of the solutions that can be helpful, is sharing rich
Use synonyms
countries
Change noun form
countries'
country's
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 extra products, with those who are struggling with
food
Use synonyms
 famine.
This
Linking Words
 manner
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 can lead to positive consequences. In
another words
Replace the adjective
another word
other words
show examples
,
this
Linking Words
 way can prohibit
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
extravagance in wealthy
countries
Use synonyms
, and improve people's nourishment
Use synonyms
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 in poor ones.
As
Change preposition
For
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
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instance,
FDA
Correct article usage
the FDA
show examples
 has a program
in distributing
Change preposition
to distribute
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 additional crops of America in Nigeria, which in turn, could control
malnutrition
Correct article usage
the malnutrition
show examples
 state
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there, and
also
Linking Words
,
propagates defending
Wrong verb form
defend
show examples
 against
food
Use synonyms
 scarcity in the world. In a nutshell,
food
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 in many
countries
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 problematic. One of the reasons that humans are confronting
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
condition
Use synonyms
 could be connected with
governors
Replace the word
government
show examples
 management disability;
moreover
Linking Words
,
food
Use synonyms
 deprivation can be solvable
due to
Linking Words
 sharing rich
countries
Use synonyms
 extra
food
Use synonyms
 with those who suffer from
food
Use synonyms
 scarcity.

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task achievement
The essay provides a good attempt to discuss both the reasons for hunger despite advances in agriculture and possible solutions to address this issue. To improve further, ensure that your examples directly support the main points being made. For instance, while the example of Iran's drought is relevant, additional detail on how water management directly relates to agricultural practices would make the argument stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are slightly awkward or unclear. For instance, "the major area which can influence individuals negatively, is about food" might be clearer as "the major area where this influence is felt is in food production and distribution." Focus on clarity and fluidity in your sentences.
task achievement
The essay addresses both parts of the task: it explains reasons for hunger and offers solutions. This shows a clear understanding of the task requirements.
coherence and cohesion
Good use of paragraphing: Each paragraph addresses a distinct point and links logically to the next.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
What to do next:
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