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Writing Samples /
Band 5

In spite of advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is the case? What can be done about this problem?

#spite #advances #agriculture #people #world #case
Nowadays, in spite of achievements in
food
 resources, still there are people who suffer from starvation.
This
 matter can have reasons, and
also
, there are solutions to defend
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
condition
, that
in
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apply
show examples
this
 essay will
be considered
Wrong verb form
consider
show examples
. To commence with, one of the reasons that some are confronted by hunger in the world
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is related to the country's management disabilities. These malfunctions could
be
Verb problem
occur
show examples
 in many ways;
however
, the major area which can influence individuals negatively
,
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apply
show examples
 is
about
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apply
show examples
food
.
For example
, Iran's
governors
Change to a genitive case
governor's
governors'
show examples
inadequacy in water saving
,
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apply
show examples
 has
leaded
Correct your spelling
led
show examples
 to drought in the south of Iran, in
Baloochestan
Correct your spelling
Balochistan
.
Consequently
, in that
area
Add a comma
area,
show examples
 people cannot harvest their crops or feed their livestock.
On the other hand
, the
food
 problem can be solved. One of the solutions that can be helpful, is sharing rich
countries
Change noun form
countries'
country's
show examples
food
 extra products, with those who are struggling with
food
 famine.
This
 manner
,
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apply
show examples
 can lead to positive consequences. In
another words
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another word
other words
show examples
,
this
 way can prohibit
the
Correct article usage
apply
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extravagance in wealthy
countries
, and improve people's nourishment
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 in poor ones.
As
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For
show examples
an
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apply
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instance,
FDA
Correct article usage
the FDA
show examples
 has a program
in distributing
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to distribute
show examples
 additional crops of America in Nigeria, which in turn, could control
malnutrition
Correct article usage
the malnutrition
show examples
 state
in
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apply
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there, and
also
,
propagates defending
Wrong verb form
defend
show examples
 against
food
 scarcity in the world. In a nutshell,
food
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 in many
countries
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 problematic. One of the reasons that humans are confronting
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
condition
 could be connected with
governors
Replace the word
government
show examples
 management disability;
moreover
,
food
 deprivation can be solvable
due to
 sharing rich
countries
 extra
food
 with those who suffer from
food
 scarcity.
Submitted by aksoysana on

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task achievement
The essay provides a good attempt to discuss both the reasons for hunger despite advances in agriculture and possible solutions to address this issue. To improve further, ensure that your examples directly support the main points being made. For instance, while the example of Iran's drought is relevant, additional detail on how water management directly relates to agricultural practices would make the argument stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are slightly awkward or unclear. For instance, "the major area which can influence individuals negatively, is about food" might be clearer as "the major area where this influence is felt is in food production and distribution." Focus on clarity and fluidity in your sentences.
task achievement
The essay addresses both parts of the task: it explains reasons for hunger and offers solutions. This shows a clear understanding of the task requirements.
coherence and cohesion
Good use of paragraphing: Each paragraph addresses a distinct point and links logically to the next.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
What to do next:
Look at other essays: