Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Children
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Children's
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treatment is one of the
debateful
Correct your spelling
debate
discussions among people. Some believe that giving freedom to youngsters could lead to
selfish
Correct article usage
a selfish
show examples
generation;
while
others think that giving
choice
to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
youngsters to opt
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
wishes, is a positive
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. I heartfully agree with the
second
opinion, and in
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
I will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the reasons. To commence with, some believe that prohibiting youngsters
to make
Change preposition
from making
show examples
a
choice
about their personal preferences, could be helpful. In fact,
this
manner could lead to irrecoverable consequences. Making tough
limitation
Fix the agreement mistake
limitations
show examples
could damage toddlers'
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
show examples
, specifically,
target
Wrong verb form
targeting
show examples
their
self- esteem
Correct your spelling
self-esteem
show examples
and
self-
Correct your spelling
self-confidence
show examples
confidence
. Meanwhile, authoritarian parenting can decrease
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
social skills.
For example
, based on
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
, those juveniles
who their
Correct pronoun usage
whose
show examples
parent's
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
is tough and restrictive, experience more anxiety and depression, and tackle with
problem
Add an article
a problem
the problem
show examples
- solving issues in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adulthood.
On the other hand
, giving space to a
child
to make their own preferences, is another type of treatment
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
that can cause positive changes in kids. I think
this
style improves their personality, and
also
,
build
Correct subject-verb agreement
builds
show examples
up
confidence
. Clearly,
this
acquisition can
follow
Wrong verb form
be followed
show examples
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
more successful achievements, which in a positive loop, make the personality stronger. Based on
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
, those juveniles
who their
Correct pronoun usage
whose
show examples
parents are supportive and
protector
Replace the word
protective
show examples
of their choices, are more prosperous, and experience happy relationships
due to
their
self-
Correct your spelling
self-confidence
show examples
confidence
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adulthood. In conclusion, there are two major viewpoints about
child
treatment.
First
Correct article usage
The first
show examples
one
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
is based on
choice
limitation, and the
second
one, is about free
well
Correct your spelling
will
show examples
and
being
Change the form of the verb
is
show examples
optional. I think the
second
way is the best. In the
choice
limitation manner,
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
could grow more
self- esteem
Correct your spelling
self-esteem
show examples
and
self-
Correct your spelling
self-confidence
show examples
confidence
issues;
while
, in the
second
way,
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
could be more
self- confident
Correct your spelling
self-confident
show examples
and more successful.
Submitted by aksoysana on

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task achievement
Your essay introduces the topic and presents both viewpoints clearly, but some ideas could benefit from clearer development and more detailed examples.
coherence cohesion
While your points are generally clear, they are sometimes hindered by occasional language inaccuracies and awkward phrasing. Focus on improving sentence structure and coherence to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your essay effectively presents both sides of the argument and includes a strong introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You provide a series of clear, relevant points supported by research, which strengthens your argument.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Autonomy
  • Consequence-awareness
  • Self-centered
  • Informal decision-making education
  • Child development
  • Age-appropriate choices
  • Cognitive growth
  • Fostering independence
  • Parental guidance
  • Societal norms
  • Interpersonal consideration
  • Balance of freedom
  • Individualism versus collectivism
  • Experience-based learning
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