Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Children
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Children's

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treatment is one of the
debateful
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debate

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discussions among people. Some believe that giving freedom to youngsters could lead to
selfish
Correct article usage
a selfish

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generation;
while
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others think that giving
choice
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to
the
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apply

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youngsters to opt
their
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for their

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wishes, is a positive
behavior
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behaviour

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. I heartfully agree with the
second
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opinion, and in
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

essay
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essay,

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I will discuss
about
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apply

The preposition about seems unecessary after the verb discuss. Consider removing the preposition.

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the reasons. To commence with, some believe that prohibiting youngsters
to make
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from making

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a
choice
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

about their personal preferences, could be helpful. In fact,
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

manner could lead to irrecoverable consequences. Making tough
limitation
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limitations

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could damage toddlers'
personality
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personalities

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, specifically,
target
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targeting

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their
self- esteem
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self-esteem

The word self- esteem seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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and
self-
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self-confidence

The word self- confidence seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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confidence
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. Meanwhile, authoritarian parenting can decrease
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

child's
Correct article usage
a child's

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social skills.
For example
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, based on
researches
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research

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, those juveniles
who their
Correct pronoun usage
whose

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parent's
behavior
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behaviour

The spelling of behavior is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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is tough and restrictive, experience more anxiety and depression, and tackle with
problem
Add an article
a problem
the problem

The noun phrase problem seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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- solving issues in
the
Correct article usage
apply

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adulthood.
On the other hand
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, giving space to a
child
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to make their own preferences, is another type of treatment
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour

The spelling of behavior is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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that can cause positive changes in kids. I think
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

style improves their personality, and
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
build
Correct subject-verb agreement
builds

It seems that the verb build does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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up
confidence
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. Clearly,
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

acquisition can
follow
Wrong verb form
be followed

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb follow. Consider changing it.

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with
Change preposition
by

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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more successful achievements, which in a positive loop, make the personality stronger. Based on
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research

It seems that researches may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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, those juveniles
who their
Correct pronoun usage
whose

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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parents are supportive and
protector
Replace the word
protective

The word protector doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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of their choices, are more prosperous, and experience happy relationships
due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

their
self-
Correct your spelling
self-confidence

The word self- confidence seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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confidence
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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adulthood. In conclusion, there are two major viewpoints about
child
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

treatment.
First
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The first

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one
,
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apply

The comma may be separating the subject and verb in your sentence. Consider removing it.

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is based on
choice
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

limitation, and the
second
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one, is about free
well
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will

The word well doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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and
being
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is

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb being. Consider changing it.

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optional. I think the
second
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

way is the best. In the
choice
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

limitation manner,
youngster
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youngsters

It seems that youngster may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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could grow more
self- esteem
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self-esteem

The word self- esteem seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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and
self-
Correct your spelling
self-confidence

The word self- confidence seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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confidence
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

issues;
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in the
second
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

way,
Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

child
Fix the agreement mistake
children

It seems that child may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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could be more
self- confident
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self-confident

The word self- confident seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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and more successful.

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task achievement
Your essay introduces the topic and presents both viewpoints clearly, but some ideas could benefit from clearer development and more detailed examples.
coherence cohesion
While your points are generally clear, they are sometimes hindered by occasional language inaccuracies and awkward phrasing. Focus on improving sentence structure and coherence to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your essay effectively presents both sides of the argument and includes a strong introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You provide a series of clear, relevant points supported by research, which strengthens your argument.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Autonomy
  • Consequence-awareness
  • Self-centered
  • Informal decision-making education
  • Child development
  • Age-appropriate choices
  • Cognitive growth
  • Fostering independence
  • Parental guidance
  • Societal norms
  • Interpersonal consideration
  • Balance of freedom
  • Individualism versus collectivism
  • Experience-based learning
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