IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in Australia in 2010 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

The pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in Australia in 2010 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
#show #sales #sectors #australia #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The pie charts below illustrate data about online financial operations in 2010 and 2015 in Australia. It is noticeable that the largest proportion of sales was covered by
electric
Correct article usage
the electric
show examples
 and appliance sector both in 2010 and 2015,
while
Linking Words
 the lowest one was
book
Correct article usage
the book
show examples
 section having approximately a fifth of the part mentioned before. Even though most of the sales sector
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 not experienced a significant change till the year 2015,
video
Correct article usage
the video
show examples
 games sector almost halved its financial capacity. Taken together, they are home furnishings, and food and beverage sectors that surpassed other commercial spheres
except
Add the preposition
except for
show examples
 electric and appliance
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
and
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
accounted for 19 and 22
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of sales respectively in the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2015.
Moreover
Linking Words
, each represents a big portion which is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
double
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other financial proportions
such
Linking Words
 as gift items and videogames. A different set of economic proportions influenced the market in 2010 and 2015, where people constantly were choosing electric services over others, comprising nearly 27 and 33
percents
Fix the agreement mistake
percent
show examples
 each year.
Same
Change the article
The same
show examples
 trend can be seen
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 commercials like gift items
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 showed 7 per cent in 2010 and 11 per cent in 2015.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, services like videogames decreased its proportion by 11 per cent which is roughly
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of its starting point.
Submitted by zerdeteacher2024 on

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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
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