IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that manufactures and shopping malls should sell fewer packaged products while others argue that people have the responsibility to buy products with less packaging. Discuss both view and give your own opinion.

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In modern society, many individuals believe that shopping malls and
manufactures
Correct your spelling
manufacturers
show examples
 should sell
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
 packaged
items
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 are many
agrues
Correct your spelling
arguments
 that it is
Correct article usage
the responsibility
show examples
responsibility
Correct article usage
the responsibility
show examples
Change preposition
of
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 citizens to buy
items
Use synonyms
 with fewer
Replace the word
packages
show examples
packaged
Replace the word
packages
show examples
.
this
Linking Words
 essay
argue
Change the verb form
argues
show examples
 that it is more beneficial for the company which
produce
Correct subject-verb agreement
produces
show examples
 the
products
Use synonyms
 independence in
package
Use synonyms
 is
due to
Linking Words
 protect the
environment
Use synonyms
 rather than the accountability of residents to buy the
items
Use synonyms
.
I
Correct pronoun usage
It
show examples
 must be recognized that
Use synonyms
package
Replace the word
packaging
show examples
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 one of the
most
Correct word choice
biggest
show examples
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
show examples
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
evironmental
Correct your spelling
environmental
 pollution so
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
manufactures
Correct your spelling
manufacturers
show examples
 and shopping malls should purchase
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
Use synonyms
package
Replace the word
packaged
show examples
 objects.
This
Linking Words
 is because it can help to reduce the amount of rubbish
emit
Wrong verb form
emitted
show examples
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 other customers and lead to
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
show examples
 in
Correct article usage
the pollutionof
show examples
pollutionof
Correct your spelling
pollution of
pollution
environment
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
,
invent
Wrong verb form
inventing
show examples
 objects with less packaging
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 to protect the
environment
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is easy to understand why
responsibility
Add an article
the responsibility
show examples
 of
manufactures
Correct your spelling
manufacturers
show examples
 to reduce
packaged in
Add a hyphen
packaged-in
show examples
items
Use synonyms
 is important to preserve the
environment
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, some individuals say that it was
duty
Add an article
the duty
show examples
 of people who obtain their fewer
package
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 belief is based on the view of some citizens that they have
wide-range
Correct your spelling
a range
show examples
 choice of goods so they can avoid which
items
Use synonyms
 have
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of packages. For that
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
, residents should have
ability
Change the article
the ability
show examples
 to buy an item with
independent
Add an article
the independent
an independent
show examples
package
Use synonyms
 to help
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 pollution.
This
Linking Words
 may be true, but when the city
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
produce
Change the verb form
produces
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
items
Use synonyms
 with less packaging it can lead to
consumer
Fix the agreement mistake
consumers
show examples
will buy
Wrong verb form
buying
show examples
 these
products
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 writer
believe
Change the verb form
believes
show examples
 that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
produce
Wrong verb form
producing
show examples
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
package
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
have
Verb problem
is
show examples
 very beneficial for
Use synonyms
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that reducing the number of rubbish emitted
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 to prevent
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
out of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
pollution. Because of
this
Linking Words
, individuals must support
this
Linking Words
 work so that they can bring some benefit
about
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
environment
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
show examples
 the number of rubbish emitted and
protect
Wrong verb form
protecting
show examples
 the
environment
Use synonyms
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 life people better. The idea of
reduce
Change the verb form
reducing
show examples
 packaged of
items
Use synonyms
 should be considered.

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly states the topic and presents a clear thesis statement. Currently, the introduction has grammatical errors and word choice issues that can confuse the reader.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your arguments. This helps strengthen your points and makes your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your ideas. Each paragraph should contain one main idea that is expanded with supporting details. Transition words and phrases can help connect your ideas smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammar, punctuation, and spelling. Errors in these areas can detract from the clarity of your message and reduce your overall score.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your conclusion not only restates the main points but also provides a final comment or suggestion. This makes your essay feel well-rounded and complete.
task achievement
You make a clear distinction between the two opposing views in the discussion, which is essential for this type of essay.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates an understanding of the importance of reducing packaging to protect the environment.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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