the chart below shows the result of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five australian cities

the chart below shows the result of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five australian cities
The bar chart illustrates the consumption of
coffee
and tea in five cities in Australia.
Overall
, for the
last
4 weeks in these cities, it can be seen that Australians preferred
instant
coffee
to fresh
coffee
and they would rather go to the cafe than buy these drinks. More than 50% of city
residents
in Sydney,
Melbourne
, Brisbane and
Hobart
went to a cafe for
coffee
or tea in the
last
four weeks.
In particular
, the highest of 63% in
Melbourne
and
Hobart
, compared to 60% in Sydney and 55% in Brisbane.
By contrast
, in Adelaide, the
percentage
of
people
who went to a cafe for
coffee
and tea was less than 50% in the
last
4 weeks.
Melbourne
and
Hobart
has co nguoi di cf nhieu nhat la 63% Regarding the consumption of
instant
and fresh
coffee
, the
percentage
of
people
who bought
instant
coffee
in Brisbane and
Hobart
was over 50%, almost twice as high as those of fresh
coffee
. In Adelaide, the
percentage
of
people
who bought
instant
coffee
was 50%, almost as high as that
bought
Correct pronoun usage
who bought
show examples
fresh
coffee
. 48% of
residents
bought
instant
coffee
, and 44% of
residents
bought fresh
coffee
in
Melbourne
. 45% of
residents
bought
instant
coffee
and 43% of
residents
bought fresh
coffee
in Sydney. The graph below shows the
percentage
of
people
by age group visiting the cinema at least once per month in one particular country between 1978
anđ
Correct your spelling
and
2008. The line graph shows the
percentage
of
people
of four different age groups from one country visiting
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
at least
one
Correct your spelling
once
show examples
per month from 1978 to 2008.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words coffee, instant, residents, melbourne, hobart, percentage, people with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumption
  • preference
  • beverage
  • caffeine
  • demographics
  • trend
  • survey
  • cultural significance
  • habit
  • seasonal variation
  • health consciousness
  • availability
  • implications
  • urban vs. rural consumption
  • data interpretation
  • quantitative analysis
  • fluctuations
  • patterns
  • peak times
  • economical impact
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