Some people believe that it is best to encourage children to have a healthy diet at school while others believe that parents should be the ones to teach children to have a healthy diet.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #diet #school #parents #ones

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Some people claim that

school

Use synonyms

is a suitable place for encouraging

children

Use synonyms

to have a healthy diet.

By contrast

Linking Words

, the majority of people think first of all ,

parents

Use synonyms

should teach their

children

Use synonyms

for

Change preposition

show examples

have a healthy diet. I will discuss both views

as well as

Linking Words

my opinion.

To begin

Linking Words

with , it is undeniable that

parents

Use synonyms

have a main role in

children

Use synonyms

's health to eat

food

Use synonyms

. Because

children

Use synonyms

learn the habit of eating in the house at first.

Then

Linking Words

, they go to

school

Use synonyms

and society.

Hence

Linking Words

firstly

Linking Words

parents

Use synonyms

must warn them about unhealthy foods by showing stick notes of

food

Use synonyms

and tell about the details of the

food

Use synonyms

's products.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, fathers and mothers can teach their

children

Use synonyms

by providing healthy

food

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at home with play and race among family members.

In addition

Linking Words

, they can grow vegetables in their own garden to have organic and healthy foods.

Thus

Linking Words

, these vegetables can make a healthy meal for them.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, other

children

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can be effective on others. Because of

this

Linking Words

, almost most of the

children

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follow their friends in everything , especially for eating

food

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. In my opinion ,

academies

Correct your spelling

academics

show examples

have an important role in the health of

children

Use synonyms

. Since they are

response

Replace the word

responding

show examples

about

Change preposition

show examples

this

Linking Words

issue at

school

Use synonyms

and everything that

children

Use synonyms

eat at the academy.

Moreover

Linking Words

, there is a laboratory in every academy. So they can teach them with a wide variety of experiments to show harmful foods.

Additionally

Linking Words

, some

children

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accept their teachers more than their

parents

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and they do

everthing

Correct your spelling

everything

that their teachers say.

Thus

Linking Words

, it is my notion that most learning is at

school

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To sum up

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Although

Linking Words

some people believe that

parents

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play the main role

to teach

Change preposition

in teaching

show examples

their

children

Use synonyms

healthy

food

Use synonyms

it is clear that

Linking Words

academies are essential to teaching them by creating more facilities

such

Linking Words

laboratory

Fix the agreement mistake

laboratories

show examples

for experiments with

food

Use synonyms

Submitted by rastaebrahimifar on Thu Jun 13 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure each paragraph flows logically into the next. You can achieve this by using more linking phrases and making sure each idea is clearly connected to the central argument.

Task Achievement

The main points are presented but could be supported more comprehensively. Provide specific examples and expand on how schools or parents can practically implement healthy eating routines.

General Advice

The essay contains some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. This can be improved by revising sentence structures and ensuring consistency. For example, 'they are response about this issue' should be 'they are responsible for this issue'.

Task Achievement

The essay provides a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present and relevant to the topic.

Task Achievement

The writer's perspective is clearly stated, which helps clarify the overall stance on the issue.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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16
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

324 words

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Some people believe that it is best to encourage children to have a healthy diet at school while others believe that parents should be the ones to teach children to have a healthy diet.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people believe that everyone has a right to have access to university education and that governments should make it free for all students no matter what financial background they have. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might be this case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

With the rise of stream online, fewer people go to movie theatre for see films what are advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Do you think businesses should hire employees who will spend their entire lives working for the company? Explain why do you agree or disagree. Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.