Some people believe that it is best to encourage children to have a healthy diet at school while others believe that parents should be the ones to teach children to have a healthy diet.Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some people claim that
school
is a suitable place for encouraging children
to have a healthy diet. By contrast
, the majority of people think first of all , parents
should teach their children
for
have a healthy diet. I will discuss both views Change preposition
to
as well as
my opinion.
To begin
with , it is undeniable that parents
have a main role in children
's health to eat food
. Because children
learn the habit of eating in the house at first. Then
, they go to school
and society. Hence
, firstly
, parents
must warn them about unhealthy foods by showing stick notes of food
and tell about the details of the food
's products. On the other hand
, fathers and mothers can teach their children
by providing healthy food
at home with play and race among family members.In addition
, they can grow vegetables in their own garden to have organic and healthy foods. Thus
, these vegetables can make a healthy meal for them.
On the other hand
, other children
can be effective on others. Because of this
, almost most of the children
follow their friends in everything , especially for eating food
. In my opinion , academies
have an important role in the health of Correct your spelling
academics
children
. Since they are response
Replace the word
responding
about
Change preposition
to
this
issue at school
and everything that children
eat at the academy.Moreover
, there is a laboratory in every academy. So they can teach them with a wide variety of experiments to show harmful foods. Additionally
, some children
accept their teachers more than their parents
and they do everthing
that their teachers say. Correct your spelling
everything
Thus
, it is my notion that most learning is at school
.
To sum up
, Although
some people believe that parents
play the main role to teach
their Change preposition
in teaching
children
healthy food
, it is clear that
academies are essential to teaching them by creating more facilities such
as laboratory
for experiments with Fix the agreement mistake
laboratories
food
.Submitted by rastaebrahimifar on
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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure each paragraph flows logically into the next. You can achieve this by using more linking phrases and making sure each idea is clearly connected to the central argument.
Task Achievement
The main points are presented but could be supported more comprehensively. Provide specific examples and expand on how schools or parents can practically implement healthy eating routines.
General Advice
The essay contains some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. This can be improved by revising sentence structures and ensuring consistency. For example, 'they are response about this issue' should be 'they are responsible for this issue'.
Task Achievement
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and relevant to the topic.
Task Achievement
The writer's perspective is clearly stated, which helps clarify the overall stance on the issue.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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