Although family is a powerful influence on child's life, it is also influenced from outside the home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some individuals believe that family have a great impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
children
's well being
,but they Add a hyphen
well-being
also
think that the outer environment also
encourage
their Change the verb form
encourages
life
in Change the article
a diggerent
diggerent
way . I agree with the given statement to a great extent because they spend Correct your spelling
different
their
most of their time with their Correct pronoun usage
apply
parents
in
Change preposition
at
their
earlier age ,but schools and Change the word
an
teachers
also
play a great role
in their life
in
Change preposition
at
Correct article usage
a late
late
age . I will these points in Replace the word
later
details
in the upcoming Fix the agreement mistake
detail
paragraphes
Correct your spelling
paragraphs
along with
the conclusion.
How family is a great influence for
the Change preposition
on
children
's life
. One of the reasons is that offspring spend their crucial time of life
with their parents
. In other words
, from 1 to 5 years
infants spend their 24 hours at home with their guardians so, they not have
great power to give Rephrase
only have
a
direction to their Correct article usage
apply
children
but also
built
Wrong verb form
build
the
good Correct article usage
apply
habits
in them such
as customs and traditions . For instance
, my brother'son
Correct your spelling
brother's
brothers
have
a great knowledge regarding how to give Correct subject-verb agreement
has
respects
to others if someone Fix the agreement mistake
respect
visit
our home Change the verb form
visits
ang
he is only 3 Correct your spelling
and
years
old . Apart from that , children
consider their parents
as role
model
. To clarify Fix the agreement mistake
models
this
, they trying to immitate
their Correct your spelling
imitate
parents
in each and everthing
like in terms of reading and watching things . Correct your spelling
everything
For example
, if a
Correct the article-noun agreement
parents
a parent
parents
using
cellphones in front of their offspring ,they Wrong verb form
use
also
try to copy them . Hence
, above mentioned reasons explain the impact of parents
's habits
on the
Change the word
their
children
's life
.
Moving Fix the agreement mistake
lives
further
, after the five years
, children
started going in to
the schools . Join the words
into
Firstly
, the reason is that how school lend a hand in their life
is that they are spending 8 to 9 hours with their teachers
. So, they should try to indulge a great
Correct the article-noun agreement
a great habit
great habits
habits
of learning the
things in Correct article usage
apply
a
correct way . Correct article usage
the
Secondly
, teachers
also
came to know about their weaknesses and strenghts
after teaching them . In Correct your spelling
strengths
this
way , they can suggest a couple of ways to their students for their improvement . Therefore
, above explanied
facts Correct your spelling
explained
shows
that tutors Correct subject-verb agreement
show
also
influence the
Correct article usage
apply
children
's life
.
In conclusion , Fix the agreement mistake
lives
Althoughparents
play the most important Correct your spelling
although parents
role
in their children
's life
because they spend their starting years
of life
with them and they know about their habits
along with
their needs but
, Correct word choice
apply
teachers
also
play the
prominent Correct article usage
a
role
in their further
life
.Submitted by sainisonia422 on
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general
Try to avoid spelling and grammatical errors to ensure clarity and readability. Consider proofreading your work or using grammar checking tools.
coherence cohesion
The introduction could be clearer if the ideas are briefly introduced in a more structured way. Try to outline the main points you intend to discuss.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your conclusion clearly ties together the points discussed in the body paragraphs and reinforces your overall argument.
task response
The essay effectively discusses the influence of both family and external factors on a child's life, providing a balanced view.
task response
Good examples are given to support the points, which aids in making the argument stronger and more relatable.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph has a clear main idea, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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