IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Although family is a powerful influence on child's life, it is also influenced from outside the home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some individuals believe that family have a great impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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children
Use synonyms
's
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
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,but they
also
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 think that the outer environment
also
Linking Words
encourage
Change the verb form
encourages
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 their
life
Use synonyms
 in
Change the article
a diggerent
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diggerent
Correct your spelling
different
way . I agree with the given statement to a great extent because they spend
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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most of their time with their
parents
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in
Change preposition
at
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their
Change the word
an
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 earlier age ,but schools and
teachers
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also
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 play a great
role
Use synonyms
 in their
life
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
Correct article usage
a late
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late
Replace the word
later
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 age . I will these points in
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
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 in the upcoming
paragraphes
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paragraphs
along with
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 the conclusion. How family is a great influence
for
Change preposition
on
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 the
children
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's
life
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 . One of the reasons is that offspring spend their crucial time of
life
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 with their
parents
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 .
In other words
Linking Words
 , from 1 to 5
years
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 infants spend their 24 hours at home with their guardians so, they not
have
Rephrase
only have
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 great power to give
a
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apply
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direction to their
children
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 but
also
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built
Wrong verb form
build
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the
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apply
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good
habits
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 in them
such
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 as customs and traditions .
For instance
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 , my
brother'son
Correct your spelling
brother's
brothers
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a great knowledge regarding how to give
respects
Fix the agreement mistake
respect
show examples
 to others if someone
visit
Change the verb form
visits
show examples
 our home
ang
Correct your spelling
and
 he is only 3
years
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 old . Apart from that ,
children
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 consider their
parents
Use synonyms
 as
role
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model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
show examples
. To clarify
this
Linking Words
 , they trying to
immitate
Correct your spelling
imitate
 their
parents
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 in each and
everthing
Correct your spelling
everything
 like in terms of reading and watching things .
For example
Linking Words
 , if
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
parents
a parent
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parents
Use synonyms
using
Wrong verb form
use
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 cellphones in front of their offspring ,they
also
Linking Words
 try to copy them .
Hence
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 , above mentioned reasons explain the impact of
parents
Use synonyms
's
habits
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 on
the
Change the word
their
show examples
children
Use synonyms
's
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. Moving
further
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 , after the five
years
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 ,
children
Use synonyms
 started going
in to
Join the words
into
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 the schools .
Firstly
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 , the reason is that how school lend a hand in their
life
Use synonyms
 is that they are spending 8 to 9 hours with their
teachers
Use synonyms
 . So, they should try to indulge
a great
Correct the article-noun agreement
a great habit
great habits
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habits
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 of learning
the
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apply
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things in
a
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the
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 correct way .
Secondly
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 ,
teachers
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also
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 came to know about their weaknesses and
strenghts
Correct your spelling
strengths
 after teaching them . In
this
Linking Words
 way , they can suggest a couple of ways to their students for their improvement .
Therefore
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, above
explanied
Correct your spelling
explained
 facts
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
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 that tutors
also
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 influence
the
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apply
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children
Use synonyms
 's
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. In conclusion ,
Althoughparents
Correct your spelling
although parents
 play the most important
role
Use synonyms
 in their
children
Use synonyms
's
life
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 because they spend their starting
years
Use synonyms
 of
life
Use synonyms
 with them and they know about their
habits
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along with
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 their needs
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
,
teachers
Use synonyms
also
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 play
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 prominent
role
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 in their
further
Linking Words
life
Use synonyms
 .

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general
Try to avoid spelling and grammatical errors to ensure clarity and readability. Consider proofreading your work or using grammar checking tools.
coherence cohesion
The introduction could be clearer if the ideas are briefly introduced in a more structured way. Try to outline the main points you intend to discuss.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your conclusion clearly ties together the points discussed in the body paragraphs and reinforces your overall argument.
task response
The essay effectively discusses the influence of both family and external factors on a child's life, providing a balanced view.
task response
Good examples are given to support the points, which aids in making the argument stronger and more relatable.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph has a clear main idea, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • upbringing
  • norms
  • emotional support
  • peer groups
  • social development
  • identity formation
  • intellectual growth
  • value system
  • perceptions
  • worldview
  • cultural assimilation
  • societal expectations
  • extracurricular activities
  • self-esteem
  • negative influences
  • well-rounded
  • external factors
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