There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is a common belief among many
people
that academic subjects
, such
as math, physics, business
studies, should be the only Correct word choice
and business
subjects
included in the school syllabus. The reason being
, Wrong verb form
is
society
Correct word choice
that society
value
the students who Change the verb form
values
excell
in these Correct your spelling
excel
subjects
at much higher standards than others. However
, I think other topics hold their own value and firmly disagree to
the notion that these Change preposition
with
subjects
should be excluded from the curriculum.
The non -academic
Correct your spelling
non-academic
subjects
are important because an individual can have a financially and mentally stable life
if they prosper in these career
. Change the determiner
this career
these careers
Subjects
such
as cookery, physical education, woodworking
can teach valuable Correct word choice
and woodworking
life
lessons to the students, which in turn can be used in real life
. People
think only academic subjects
can guranty
a prosperous Correct your spelling
guarantee
guaranty
life
, yet, other career
can provide that too. Change the wording
another career
other careers
For instance
, professional chefs are in high demand around the world, earning top dollar and respect.
In addition
to that, not everyone is interested in academic subjects
. Some people
are interested in subjects
that give them fullfilment
in their heart. They can contribute to Correct your spelling
fulfilment
the
society without competing in Correct article usage
apply
subjects
such
as math or physics. For example
, life style
gurus and personal trainers are very popular Correct your spelling
lifestyle
now a days
. They usually come from physical education or nutrition Correct the word
nowadays
background
.
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
To conclude
, academic subjects
are very competetive
and difficult to Correct your spelling
competitive
excell
in. Correct your spelling
excel
This
led people
to think that, school syllabus should be restricted to these subjects
only. But I think, other subjects
add diversity to the
society and should be taught properly.Correct article usage
apply
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spelling cycle
Try to avoid spelling and grammar mistakes, as they can detract from your overall argument. For instance, 'guranty' should be 'guarantee,' and 'fullfilment' should be 'fulfillment.'
coherence cycle
Add more transitions between paragraphs to improve the flow. For example, 'Furthermore,' or 'In addition to that,' can be used to link paragraphs more effectively.
supported cycle
Develop your arguments more thoroughly. For instance, explain why lifestyle gurus and personal trainers are popular or how they contribute to society in more detail.
introduction present
Your introduction effectively presents the issue and your stance on it.
logical structure
Each paragraph has a clear main idea, which contributes to a logical structure.
conclusion present
Your conclusion summarizes your argument well.