IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is a common belief among many
people
Use synonyms
 that academic
subjects
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as math, physics,
business
Correct word choice
and business
show examples
 studies, should be the only
subjects
Use synonyms
 included in the school syllabus. The reason
being
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
,
society
Correct word choice
that society
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value
Change the verb form
values
show examples
 the students who
excell
Correct your spelling
excel
 in these
subjects
Use synonyms
 at much higher standards than others.
However
Linking Words
, I think other topics hold their own value and firmly disagree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the notion that these
subjects
Use synonyms
 should be excluded from the curriculum. The
non -academic
Correct your spelling
non-academic
show examples
subjects
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 are important because an individual can have a financially and mentally stable
life
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 if they prosper in
these career
Change the determiner
this career
these careers
show examples
.
Subjects
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such
Linking Words
 as cookery, physical education,
woodworking
Correct word choice
and woodworking
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 can teach valuable
life
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 lessons to the students, which in turn can be used in real
life
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.
People
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 think only academic
subjects
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 can
guranty
Correct your spelling
guarantee
guaranty
 a prosperous
life
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, yet,
other career
Change the wording
another career
other careers
show examples
 can provide that too.
For instance
Linking Words
, professional chefs are in high demand around the world, earning top dollar and respect.
In addition
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 to that, not everyone is interested in academic
subjects
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. Some
people
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 are interested in
subjects
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 that give them
fullfilment
Correct your spelling
fulfilment
 in their heart. They can contribute to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society without competing in
subjects
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as math or physics.
For example
Linking Words
,
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life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
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 gurus and personal trainers are very popular
now a days
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
. They usually come from physical education or nutrition
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
show examples
.
To conclude
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, academic
subjects
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 are very
competetive
Correct your spelling
competitive
 and difficult to
excell
Correct your spelling
excel
 in.
This
Linking Words
 led
people
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 to think that, school syllabus should be restricted to these
subjects
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 only. But I think, other
subjects
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 add diversity to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and should be taught properly.

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spelling cycle
Try to avoid spelling and grammar mistakes, as they can detract from your overall argument. For instance, 'guranty' should be 'guarantee,' and 'fullfilment' should be 'fulfillment.'
coherence cycle
Add more transitions between paragraphs to improve the flow. For example, 'Furthermore,' or 'In addition to that,' can be used to link paragraphs more effectively.
supported cycle
Develop your arguments more thoroughly. For instance, explain why lifestyle gurus and personal trainers are popular or how they contribute to society in more detail.
introduction present
Your introduction effectively presents the issue and your stance on it.
logical structure
Each paragraph has a clear main idea, which contributes to a logical structure.
conclusion present
Your conclusion summarizes your argument well.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
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