IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Fresh water has always been a limited resource in some parts of the world. Today, however, growing worldwide demand has made this a global problem. What are the causes of the increased demand and what measure could governments and individuals take to respond to this problem?

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Fresh
Add an article
The fresh
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water
Use synonyms
 resource is a worldwide issue,
that is
Linking Words
 related to varied factors, and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 should
be involve
Change the verb form
be involved
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every
Change preposition
in every
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 country in the world.
This
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 essay will illustrate some reasons
of
Change preposition
for
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 the increasing demand and some solutions to solve as soon as possible. Nowadays, because of industrialization, many European
country
Change to a plural noun
countries
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has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 resolved
this
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 problem because every citizen
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 able to get drinkable
water
Use synonyms
, but there is a huge difference with the third countries.
Although
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 European people do not miss
water
Use synonyms
, limited
water
Use synonyms
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
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 is becoming a global emergency that could affect every nation.
Firstly
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, the rising request is related to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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overpopulation;
that is
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 the reason why
Chinese
Add an article
the Chinese
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 government has tried to reduce and regulate birth, so they have
got
Verb problem
apply
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the power to limit and control the population growth;
this
Linking Words
 is not a reasonable political action to take.
Secondly
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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overpopulation has caused a growing demand
of
Change preposition
for
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 food, so
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further
Correct word choice
more
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water
Use synonyms
 has been used by
farmer
Fix the agreement mistake
farmers
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 for agriculture;
moreover
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, not all the farms have
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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appropriate and modern infrastructures and machines to give
water
Use synonyms
 to the soil,
consequently
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 a huge amount of
this
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 natural resource is wasted. A solution could be taken by local governments,
such
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 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 investments in new technologies, which are able to reuse
water
Use synonyms
 from soil, or more invested money on the creation of food in laboratories, in
this
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last
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 scenario a vast amount of
water
Use synonyms
 could be saved.
In addition
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, global warming has affected significantly
this
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 issue,
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for
Correct word choice
and for
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this
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reason
Add the comma(s)
reason,
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 international cooperation should try to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
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environment changing
Replace the word
environmental change
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 to preserve
water
Use synonyms
,
avoiding
Wrong verb form
avoid
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 deforestation and pollution, increasing renewable energy. I would suggest teaching and educating children and students to save
water
Use synonyms
 in everyday life, these lessons could help them to notice their usage in their private
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
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. In conclusion, I think some solutions could be found to fix the problem;
however
Linking Words
, we should work all together to make
the
Correct article usage
a
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 difference.

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task achievement
You should expand on the specific measures that individuals can take, in addition to those by governments. This will strengthen the comprehensive nature of your response.
task achievement
Ensure consistency in your explanations. For example, while you mention overpopulation as a cause, your subsequent discussion should be directly aligned and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Organize your points logically. It can help to follow a pattern where each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence and is followed by relevant supporting details.
coherence cohesion
Avoid grammatical errors and improve sentence structure for clearer expression. This will significantly boost your coherence and make your essay more readable.
introduction conclusion present
You've successfully introduced the global nature of the fresh water issue and linked this to various factors.
supported main points
The essay includes thoughtful solutions, highlighting both governmental measures and the need for international cooperation.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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