IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1

Some people believe that school education should be focused on academic subjects, which are good for childiren's future, and subjects like music and sports are useless. In my opinion, subjects such as music and sports are useful and effictive for spirtual and physical development for children.

#people #school #education #subjects #childiren #future #music #sports #effictive #development #children
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Some people believe that school education should be focused on academic subjects, which are good for
childiren's
Correct your spelling
children's
 future, and subjects like music and sports are useless. In my opinion, subjects
such
 as music and sports are useful and
effictive
Correct your spelling
effective
 for
Correct article usage
the spirtual
show examples
spirtual
Correct your spelling
spiritual
 and physical development
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 children. I believe that the reason why most weddings are expensive
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
 nowadays people spend a lot of money to make the wedding luxurious and plush. In my opinion,
this
definitely
Add a missing verb
is definitely
show examples
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
 event, because
such
 weddings lead
extravagance
Change preposition
to extravagance
show examples
.Weddings should made smaller that allow extravagance. Problems
such
environmental
Change preposition
as environmental
show examples
 pollution and climate change affect all people in the world equally.
Although
 the government
take
Wrong verb form
has made
show examples
 several decisions against
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 pollution,
results
Correct article usage
the results
show examples
 are ineffective.In my opinion, more effective plant trees prevent pollution. In
sime
Correct your spelling
some
 countries,
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
parents
Change preposition
of parents
show examples
 who prefer home education for their children increased.
Although
 homeschooling
some
Add a missing verb
has some
show examples
 advantages for me more
effectuve
Correct your spelling
effective
 for children
learn
Fix the infinitive
to learn
show examples
 at school.
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea and expands it fully. This will help in maintaining a logical structure for your essay.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph flows from one to the next. Use transitional words and phrases to help guide the reader through your essay.
coherence cohesion
Introduce and conclude your essay properly. The introduction should give an overview of the topic, and the conclusion should summarize your main points.
task achievement
Work on expanding your ideas with clear, relevant examples and details. Support your opinions with logical arguments.
task achievement
Make sure your ideas are clearly presented and easy to follow. Avoid jumping from one idea to another without proper connections.
task achievement
Include specific examples to support your viewpoints. This will make your arguments more compelling and robust.
task achievement
You have discussed multiple viewpoints, which shows an understanding of the topic's complexity.
task achievement
You have shown that subjects like music and sports are beneficial for children's development.
task achievement
You have attempted to provide reasons and offer your opinion on various issues, which is a good start.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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