In many countries, the government likes to spend more money on the arts. Some people agree with this. However, others think government should spend more on health and education. Discuss both sides and giver your opinion.
Opinions are divided
to
whether investing Change preposition
as to
money
from taxes in arts
or whether health and education should be invested more by government
. Correct article usage
the government
While
I understand the logic behind the former view, I am still in favour of the latter.
Those who believe that money
from taxes should be spent on the arts
may have several arguments. They may well argue that arts
comprise many types of stuffs
, especially Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
musics
and paintings, which can be learnt by many Change the wording
music
kinds of music
pieces of music
people
interested in these activities and those who attracted
by these Add a missing verb
are attracted
arts
. Musics
could provide Fix the agreement mistake
Music
young
generation and Correct article usage
the young
elderly
with Correct article usage
the elderly
the
sense of Correct article usage
a
relaxed
which might allow Replace the word
relaxation
people
to learn how to play it or even just listen to the song which they like the most to serve their mind with many kinds of meaningful lyrics and the
catchy Correct article usage
apply
melody
. Fix the agreement mistake
melodies
For example
, while
Correct word choice
when
people
listening
to Wrong verb form
listen
the
song which they are really keen on, they probably hone their own efficiency at work for those who have a job and create a concentration ability for Correct article usage
a
Add an article
the student
student
. Another possible argument is that paintings sometimes let Fix the agreement mistake
students
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
who fanatic
about drawing Add a missing verb
are fanatic
can
be more creative, Verb problem
apply
therefore
, they are able to draw more beautiful painting
to serve their customers and Fix the agreement mistake
paintings
also
encourage them to paint more creative drawings, meaning that they can approach more types of people
who want to buy their products. As a result
, every individuals
who Change to a singular noun
individual
capable
of making the masterpiece which many Add a missing verb
is capable
people
want to buy it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
with
a high price will become more affluent, thereby encouraging more Change preposition
at
people
tend
to do Verb problem
apply
this
job to earn a great deal of money
which can help increase the economy easier
.
Rephrase
more easily
Nevertheless
, I still believe that spending more money
on healthcare and educating individuals should be done by the government
for numerous reasons. Chief among these is that
the taxes from the Correct word choice
apply
people
who usually have their children. Therefore
most children must go to school to learn many valuable lessons in order to create their consciousness about what they going to do in the future like what their parents expect, resulting in the
increase in the number of Correct article usage
an
student
who will have a job and Change to a plural noun
students
increase
the rate of Correct article usage
an increase
being succeed
, Change the verb form
succeeding
therefore
it could strenghthen
the economy of the nation. The second reason is that not only the Correct your spelling
strengthen
government
will spend money
on children's education but also
the people
's healthcare. Modern hospital facilities are the main thing that everyone will really want to be improved does
Unnecessary verb
apply
not
matter how expensive it is. The main reason for Correct your spelling
no
this
would be all the ages can be ill, but if the sickness is not that terrible they could buy and take medicine at home. However
, unless the illness cause
Change the verb form
causes
bad
effect on their body and make them hurt, they are willing to move to stay in a hospital. If the hospital Correct article usage
a bad
ensure
places for each Change the verb form
ensures
individuals
to take a rest and Change to a singular noun
individual
also
for the people
who will take care for
the person who Change preposition
of
ill
, it would be much better compared to investing in Add a missing verb
is ill
arts
which depends on different preferences.
In conclusion, it is understandable why some may argue that arts
should be the optimal choice Correct article usage
the arts
that
the Correct word choice
and that
government
should impose a policy on spending more money
for
it. Change preposition
on
However
, I would take the view that health and education should be chosen to be the great idea
that the Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
government
may invest in.Submitted by lel819094 on
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task achievement
Your essay successfully addresses the topic and both viewpoints. However, try to develop each argument in more depth to provide a more comprehensive response. Adding more detailed examples would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas more clearly and logically. The transition between ideas can be made smoother with appropriate linking words and phrases.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the essay well.
task achievement
You covered both views of the topic, which demonstrates a balanced understanding.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.
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