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Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Many people now photograph or video their social activities. What might be the reason for this? Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages?

#people #photograph #video #activities #reason #development
Photographs
have plays
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
 a significant role in an individual's
life
. As, by taking a picture or recording a video, a
person
 can capture a moment of his
life
 for
lifetime
Add an article
a lifetime
show examples
. In recent times, many people do
this
 to appreciate the present. From my perspective,
this
 thing
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 more limitations than its benefits. To commence with, the foremost advantage of taking a photo is that a
person
 can admire his favourite moment of
life
 in the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
future whenever he wants. It gives a
nostalgia
Replace the word
nostalgic
show examples
 feel to a
person
 when he glances at the taken photographs.
Moreover
, in
this
 era of modern technology, it is effortless to take a picture or to record a video with a mobile phone whenever and wherever possible.
On the other hand
, in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 hope of recalling past memories, an individual can forget to live
i
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. The present moment. A social gathering where people with their friends and families can enjoy a day from their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 by taking a pause from their hectic schedule, by converting it into a photo session. They will just have pictures or videos,
however
, no memory to reminisce
the
Change preposition
about the
show examples
 past. In conclusion, it can be said that pictures and videos are
indispensable
Add an article
an indispensable
show examples
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
 of a
person
's
life
,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 it can wreck
teh
Correct your spelling
the
 existing precious time in order to collect pleasant memories.
Submitted by simrankaurkaur450 on

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grammar
Ensure grammatical accuracy by using correct verb forms and subject-verb agreements, such as 'photographs have played' instead of 'photographs have plays'.
examples
Include more specific examples to illustrate points and make the argument stronger.
clarity
Try to elaborate more on each point to maintain clarity and depth in your arguments.
language
Avoid vague phrases and ensure the use of precise language. For example, 'a person can forget to live i. The present moment' should be 'a person can forget to live in the present moment'.
transition
Improve transitional phrases to ensure smooth flow between sentences and paragraphs.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in structuring the response effectively.
points
The main points are relevant to the topic and provide a basic level of support for the arguments presented.
balance
The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic, demonstrating an awareness of multiple perspectives.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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