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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart gives information about the proportion of children, men and women eating fruit and vegetables daily in the United Kingdom between 2001 and 2008.

The bar chart gives information about the proportion of children, men and women eating fruit and vegetables daily in the United Kingdom between 2001 and 2008.
#bar #information #proportion #children #men #women #fruit #vegetables #kingdom
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The bar chart shows the percentage of
daily
Add an article
the daily
show examples
 amount of
fruit
Use synonyms
 and
vegetables
Change the noun form
vegetable
show examples
children
Use synonyms
,
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
are having
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Kingdom from 2001 to 2008.
It is clear that
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
 had the highest
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
fruit
Use synonyms
 compared to
men
Use synonyms
 and
children
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, all
children
Use synonyms
,
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 eating
fruit
Use synonyms
 and vegetables increased but
also
Linking Words
 had a decrease in
latest
Correct word choice
the last
show examples
 2 years. We can see that
women
Use synonyms
's amount of
fruit
Use synonyms
 and
vegeatable
Correct your spelling
vegetable
vegetables
 daily eaten slightly rose every year from 2001 to 2005 registering 23% in 2001, 24% in 2002, 27% in 2003, 28% in 2004 and 30% in 2005.
Then
Linking Words
, the
proportion
Use synonyms
 had a rapid increase in 2006, rising to 35 % in 2006. From 2007, there was a decline from 32% to 30% in 2008. The
proportion
Use synonyms
 was followed by
men
Use synonyms
 but had a different trend compared to
women
Use synonyms
. The percentage of
men
Use synonyms
 eating
fruit
Use synonyms
 and vegetables daily remained constant from 2001 to 2003 at 18% and
then
Linking Words
 gradually increased until 2006 from 20% in 2004, 23% in 2005 and 28% in 2006. In 2007 the figure remained stable. Same as
women
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
men
Correct word choice
and men
show examples
also
Linking Words
 had a decrease in the
proportion
Use synonyms
 from 2007 to 2008,
28
Change preposition
from 28
show examples
% to 26%.
Children
Use synonyms
 had a similar trend where the figures maintained at the same level from 2001 to 2003 which was 13% followed by a gentle rise to 18% in 2004, 19% in 2005 and 22% in 2006. In 2007 the percentage reached
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peak at 27% and
then
Linking Words
 dropped to 26% in 2008.
Submitted by wjddbs2206 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words fruit, children, men, women, proportion with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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