IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that living in the big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #cities #people’s #health
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In recent years, the detrimental impact on people’s
health
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 when living in
the
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apply
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metropolises has gained significant attention. From my perspective,
although
Linking Words
this
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 concern is not valid to some extent I consider myself an advocate of
this
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 point.  It is explicit to note that settling in developed cities is an ideal place
of
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for
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 advanced medical
service
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services
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, which can greatly help people in taking care of their
health
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. There is
justifiable
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a justifiable
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 reason to note that there are frequently
the
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apply
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first-level hospitals located in the heart of the big
cites
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cities
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, where abundant professionals and skilled doctors are working. So dwellers can easily be taken care of immediately in several emergent circumstances or provided with all-rounded medical checks  annually. In Ha Noi, the capital of VietNam, Bach Mai or 108 Hospital can be cited as one of the national leading hospitals, which
have
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has
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 gained radical popularity with citizens.
Hence
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, living in big cities can bring
a
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apply
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well-rounded medical care for people. 
While
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 the redeeming feature of living in the metropolises is
widely-acknowledged
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widely acknowledged
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, it still has an unsatisfactory influence on people’s
health
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, especially because of its air pollution. It might be
due to
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 the fact that there are abundant public and private vehicles in the city
center
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centre
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, which emit a great deal of carbon dioxide and can be regarded as one of the prominent determinants of air pollution.
Therefore
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, settlers have to load that kind of air
to
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into
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 their body, which will lead to a myriad of respiratory-related illnesses.
For instance
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, lung cancer or hens are several common
health
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 problems caused by contaminated living environments. Even though there are plenty of
cutting aged
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cutting-edge
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 medical services, they are almost exorbitant and not affordable for all financial conditions of people, especially for
that
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apply
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of
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apply
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labor
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labour
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 workers.
Thus
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, having a stable life in big cities can lead to some disadvantageous
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health’s
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health
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condition
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conditions
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.  In conclusion, in spite of the development of medical systems in urban areas, living there still has a detrimental effect on people’s
health
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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content
To improve your score, consider providing more specific examples or data to support your arguments. This will demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic and improve the depth of your essay.
coherence
Ensure that your paragraphs flow smoothly from one to the next. Using transition words or phrases will help to guide the reader through your discussion more effectively.
structure
Try to maintain a balance between discussing the positive and negative aspects. This balanced approach will demonstrate your ability to consider multiple perspectives on the issue.
content
Your essay has clear and well-supported main points, which makes your argument persuasive.
coherence
The logical structure of your essay is solid, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
examples
You effectively use examples, such as the mention of Bach Mai and 108 Hospital in Ha Noi, to illustrate your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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