IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Rich countries should not employ labour from poor countries because they need them more. Do you agree or disagree?

It is believed that rich
nations
Use synonyms
 should not employ
workers
Use synonyms
 from poorer ones as they are in greater need of them.
This
Linking Words
 writer disagrees with the opinion because
this
Linking Words
 action helps to release the financial weight and improve the knowledge of poor
countries
Use synonyms
,
although
Linking Words
 some argue that
this
Linking Words
 will drain these
countries
Use synonyms
’ human workforce. Central to the discussion point is that employment of
workers
Use synonyms
 from second-world
countries
Use synonyms
 can relieve their monetary stress. One should acknowledge that in these
countries
Use synonyms
, their government has
limited
Correct article usage
a limited
show examples
 budget to deal with financial issues. By sending some
workers
Use synonyms
 abroad to
work
Use synonyms
 for first-world
countries
Use synonyms
, they will be able to spend less on them as employer
nations
Use synonyms
 have done
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, allowing richer
nations
Use synonyms
 to hire some of their poorer counterparts’ workforce can mitigate their monetary burdens.
However
Linking Words
, members of the public
rejects
Change the verb form
reject
show examples
this
Linking Words
 idea as they believe
this
Linking Words
 will drain impoverished
countries
Use synonyms
’ human labour.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 their prior observations, most young labourers who leave their country to
work
Use synonyms
 in richer ones never return to their homeland.
This
Linking Words
 may be true, but
according to
Linking Words
 exchange policies, they will be returned to their country
at the end
Linking Words
 of their time noted in their
work
Use synonyms
 contract. For that reason, the workforce of these
nations
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 still maintained.
This
Linking Words
 writer agrees that the action will benefit underdeveloped
countries
Use synonyms
 with knowledge. When
workers
Use synonyms
 are at
work
Use synonyms
 in richer
countries
Use synonyms
, they will simultaneously learn innovative ideas from their environment.
At the end
Linking Words
 of their
work
Use synonyms
 contract
due to
Linking Words
 exchange regulations, they will come back to their country to give ideas to improve their hometown.
Thus
Linking Words
, sending people away as exchange
workers
Use synonyms
 can give the nation
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
more innovative ideas to develop. Taking all points into account,
although
Linking Words
 underdeveloped
countries
Use synonyms
 can take the risk of brain drain, they can
also
Linking Words
 release their financial burden and gain knowledge.
Hence
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 author approves of the action.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction and conclusion
Strengthen your introduction by clearly stating both sides of the argument before presenting your stance. This helps the reader understand the context better.
logical structure
Work on smoother transitions between paragraphs to improve the flow of ideas. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
relevant specific examples
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your main points. This will make your argument more convincing and grounded in reality.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that all sentences within the paragraph consistently support that idea.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view by acknowledging both sides of the argument before presenting the writer's stance.
supported main points
The main points are generally well-supported, showing a decent level of understanding and engagement with the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: