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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two periods. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two periods. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#numbers #visitors #ashdown #museum #year #show #surveys #visit #two #periods #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The tabular chart reveals the numbers of people who visited Ashdown
Museum
Use synonyms
 prior
and
Change preposition
to and
show examples
 after
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 renewed the
museum
Use synonyms
.
Along with
Linking Words
table
Correct article usage
the table
show examples
chart
Add a comma
chart,
show examples
 there are
two
Use synonyms
 pie charts which
represents
Change the verb form
represent
show examples
 the results of surveys on
satisfaction
Add an article
the satisfaction
show examples
 level of
visitors
Use synonyms
 duration of these
two
Use synonyms
 periodic
time
Change to a plural noun
times
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it seems that
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 reported more than afterward the refurbishment of Ashdown
Museum
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
charts
Correct article usage
the charts
show examples
 classified into five different categories and remarked with
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of people who visited
Use synonyms
museum
Correct article usage
the museum
show examples
 duration of these
two
Use synonyms
 years. It is clearly observed from the table that
figures
Correct article usage
the figures
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
visitors
Use synonyms
 increased from 74,000 to 92,000.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
report
Correct article usage
the report
show examples
 of
survey
Add an article
the survey
a survey
show examples
 shows the number of individuals who visited
Use synonyms
museum
Correct article usage
the museum
show examples
 were more satisfied with the proportion of 40 after
rennovation
Correct your spelling
renovation
. On the other side, observant held the
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
 of 40 and 30 under the category of dissatisfied and satisfied before changes to the
museum
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 no response
expected
Add a missing verb
was expected
show examples
same
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
in between these
two
Use synonyms
 periods.
Finally
Linking Words
, the number of
visitors
Use synonyms
were
Verb problem
apply
show examples
decline
Wrong verb form
declined
show examples
 to 5 in the next year of refurbishment.
Submitted by krajveer515 on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words museum, two, visitors with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "numbers of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 5 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • refurbishment
  • visitor numbers
  • satisfaction levels
  • very satisfied
  • satisfied
  • neither satisfied nor dissatisfied
  • dissatisfied
  • very dissatisfied
  • survey results
  • comparison
  • impact
  • effectiveness
  • visitor experience
  • overall improvement
  • increase/decrease in visitors
  • positive feedback
  • negative feedback
  • visitor survey
  • survey period
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