In many countries people are now living longer than ever before. Some say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.
Nowadays
due to
advancements in science, life
span of Add an article
the life
indiviuals
has increased as compared to in past. It is believed by some that older Correct your spelling
individuals
people
create problems for the local authorities. On the other hand
, few are of the opinion that elderly
are beneficial for the community. In my personal view, I agree with the former notion because an ageing population puts Correct article usage
the elderly
burden
on the healthcare system and there are Add an article
the burden
a burden
lesser
higher positions at work available for young Correct word choice
fewer
people
in offices. This
essay will discuss in detail the reasons why the advantages of old indiviuals
in Correct your spelling
individuals
the
society do not outweigh the disadvantages.
Correct article usage
apply
To begin
with, increase
in the age of Correct article usage
the increase
people
has put a lot of stress on the already burdened healthcare system especially
in developing countries. To elaborateAdd the comma(s)
, especially
it
, government funds allocated to hospitals and concerned authorities for health purposes are limited resulting in Correct pronoun usage
apply
a
uneven distribution of money if the elderly ratio is on Change the article
an
a
rise. Correct article usage
the
For instance
, a survey conducted by the WHO (World Health Organization) in South-East Asia in year
2019 revealed that Change the article
the year
due to
budget constraints and increasing
ratio of babies and young Correct article usage
an increasing
people
in poor countries, hospital administrations were struggling to send out finances to the ever growing
geriatric wards and facilities. Add a hyphen
ever-growing
Consequently
, this
led to poor management of people
of all ages due to
decrease
in necessary supplies in hospitals.
Correct article usage
a decrease
Furthermore
, not only health
department but Correct article usage
the health
also
the workplaces face an issue as all the managerial positions are mostly occupied by people
above 60 years.
To Correct word choice
old.
further
explain it, if there are more old people
present in the offices, there will be lesser
jobs available for the young graduates and Correct word choice
fewer
this
will create a
competition and Remove the article
apply
troubles
for the concerned authorities. Fix the agreement mistake
trouble
For example
, in 2009 a study on employment rates of fresh university graduates in Boston showed that only 25% ended up with jobs in their first year and rest
were struggling. Correct article usage
the rest
Thus
, this
resulted in decrease
in creativity and new ideas in the market because of Add an article
a decrease
lesser
percentage of young employees.
Add an article
a lesser
However
, the advantages cannot be ignored completely, having old people
in the
society can have its own benefits Correct article usage
apply
such
as they can prove to be an asset for joint families giving an opportunity to parents to work without worrying about paying for childcare services. Similarly
, wisdom and knowledge gather
from their lifetime experiences, can be beneficial in solving issues in the community.
Change the form of the verb
gathered
To conclude
, even though there is an upside of
having an ageing population in Change preposition
to
the
society Correct article usage
apply
but
the downside cannot be overcome Correct word choice
apply
by
Change preposition
apply
it
. The Correct pronoun usage
apply
burdening
of the healthcare system and Replace the word
burden
also
the workplaces due to
increasing
percentage of old Correct article usage
the increasing
people
can lead to serious issues in the future on
the governments.Change preposition
for
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task achievement
Your essay offers a relevant and clear response to the task. However, consider further developing your points with more detailed examples or statistics to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical transition between ideas to improve the overall flow of the essay. Some paragraphs could benefit from clearer linking phrases.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction effectively sets the context and presents a clear thesis statement. This helps in understanding the direction of the essay right from the start.
relevant specific examples
The use of relevant examples, including surveys and studies, adds credibility to your arguments and enhances the essay’s persuasiveness.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.
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